Tag Archives: dating

Christian Dating…. Phase 2

After phase 1 I think I started to see what it was I was actually looking for in a girl. Though it was obvious they become a different species when put in a date kind of setting… Believe it or not I get along great with girls otherwise, as friends and nothing more, And I’m perfectly content with that. I think it’s weird to try to be something different actually… The minute I ask to buy them coffee, it’s like a switch flips off in their minds and they become a different person entirely from my first impression. That and I felt a little burnt out picking up girls randomly off the street. This was clearly not working, atleast for the most part. So I took to the internet!

This was where I discovered girls are even more complicated. But atleast they explain everything they expect from a guy on their profiles, and we can chat a bit from a distance before meeting…. right?

So I started chatting with one girl, which fizzled quickly into nothing. Then I chated with another and another… which fizzled into nothing. 

Then I met another girl of which I thought was great. She seemed very smart, she wanted to travel more, we talked about Martin Luther.. She was Lutheran…. So i gave her my number, then we started texting instead of the internet..  She asked for me to take a picture to make sure I was a real person, so I did. She sent pictures of herself too and told me she was fat… Which I just laughed and told her she’s pudgy not fat. And she loved that…. 

The next day I get a call from her mother, asking about why a 29 year old man is texting her 16 year old daughter. She was furious with me, telling me she will track me down and send me to jail as a sexual predator…. So I’m sitting there, knowing I did nothing wrong or illegal, letting her rant and I told her very plainly. Her daughter has a profile that says she is 25. Also I would wager that if she has to track me down, there must be 200 other guys she has to track down so good luck on that – but I suggest you shut your kids internet off. She didn’t respond to nicely to that, but I wasn’t there to make friends, and I hung up… She got a hold of my mother somehow, with threats and accusations to which she got upset… I just told my mom the truth and told her not to worry about it. And that was that, though I would like to know how she got my mother’s number…. 

The Librarian

The next girl I seemed to have hit it off with online was a Librarian. We got to talking about different stuff and things, when the conversation shifted to her explaining to me how “Taxation is Theft”. That’s when my heart stoped and I was thinking I discovered a unicorn that must be caught! Non stop on the phone for several days, she was a very chatty girl and I completely enjoyed our conversations.

She mentioned she would love to see a Wicked on Broadway…. And that’s when I was like OMG I can get free tickets to wicked and it’s only an hour drive from her place… She didn’t live in (Buffalo, Ny btw and I was staying in Allentown, PA)…. Remember earlier I had said, the minute you ask a girl to buy her coffee a switch goes off and she becomes a different species…. For the first time, after several days she got very weird. Made up all kinds of excuses, then told me this isnt how marrying a man is supposed to be. I’m supposed to take her out to coffee first. And that Broadway plays are a 4th date kind of thing and I’m rushing things. Broadway play isn’t really a place to get to know each other she says… So I told her, well I have no problem with coffee – but we’ve been talking for several days now, I think we can skip some of the formalities of getting to know each other. Perhaps coffee at the zoo then, we can talk while looking at the animals and scenery – we could get to know each other there probably better then Broadway… Nope, it’s not part of the schedual and I’m an asshole – fine whatever. 

The next online girl was…. interesting 

The next week, I met another girl whom I thought was great. She seemed to love  talking about different things, including taxation being theft and about indirect taxation…. Which was great! Another unicorn, wow!

So I just gave her my number and we started texting and calling on and off. She was into ASMR so I watched some of her videos on YouTube. I was like OMG that’s really amazing. And I found out I’m one of the rare people who gets tingles from certain sounds…. (there is a whole other thing to explain with this subject)… But anyway, she invited me over to do asmr in person instead of videos…. At first I thought this was some kind of weird kinky sex thing. And yet I could see it was something else entirely…. So I went along with this. I did not ask to buy her coffee this time, I believe this is where I started to catch on to how girls operate…. Just let her lead was now my plan. 

So I get there and we do ASMR on each other all night long. It was probably the best date that ever happened to me. She said she couldn’t believe I was a virgin at this because I gave her major tingles- And the entire time she was quivering. Then she says since its getting warmer why don’t we go to this nudist camp nearby, just don’t expect to have sex… Now I’m a Christian, a very devout Christian but also a very flamboyant person – I reasoned with myself first (no sex being involved) and said sure let’s go! 

We get to the nudist camp, strip down and start hiking in the woods with only flip flops. She starts skipping, I started skipping. Then we found a stall that sells  body paint made from flowers and berries…. She wanted to do it, so I bought a kit. We began painting each other to look tribal… Then I found a spot in the woods and asked if she wanted to build a grass hut. She loved the idea, though I did most of the work… (It was a handsome, sturdy hut of quality workmanship and of course German ingenuity). She ended up makeing flower hats whilst I build our home in the woods. At the end of the day we sat around the camp fire, while I played the ukele I brought while she roasted marshmallows 🙂 we were smiling and laughing everything was great and then we went to bed. 

So it was a perfectly normal and wonderful hippy dating experience. We both thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. Though it did get cold and we had to get cloths back on…. More importantly, there was no sex. I was spooning her in oir hut All the while, I was thinking I could easily fall in love with this girl. She is everything I ever wanted, though I wasn’t sure if she was Christian. She was excellent at evading the subjects of religion and politics.

We awoke from our grass hut and went back to her place, where She wanted to do more ASMR. It started in a chair, but we took it the bed…. It was just easier to lay down, and we both agreed sex wasn’t going to happen… After going to a nudist camp and painting each other naked, we thought it’s safe to say by now that we can trust each other’s hormones…. And that’s where we did asmr on each other….

My conscience about asmr and what we were doing was bothering me the whole time I was seeing her…. It’s just, she described it as “mental orgasms”. Also the tingle feelings were supposed to be therapeutic yet from what I saw on the internet, there was definitely a pornographic weird sex thing side to this… but also a thereputic non sexual side- not knowing much about it really or seeing a difference, and the way I made her legs shake… I just felt like I have sinned somehow and couldn’t put my finger on it. Yet I didn’t see anything in scripture to suggest that I did. Soooo whatever, Never mind all of that, this girl was AMAZING!! 

So we made each other tingle in bed through the morning over coffee. And I over looked the fact her legs were quivering the whole time. She certainly had the same effect on me but it was then I noticed I ejaculated…. And my conscience began to bother me again while she grabbed a towel for it. I apologized and laughed, and I was embarrassed that it happened, and apologized again.. She on the other hand seemed to think it was perfectly normal. I confess, It was the most amazing sexual experience of my life. Yet I was amazed, she didn’t put a single finger on me to erouse it. I felt like a kid who just lost his virginity. Both pleased and guilty, and completely infatuated with this amazing creature. 

Every day for a week I stopped over and we whispered into each others ear, followed by coffee…. untill the end that is…. 

She whispered into my ear something Babylonian, of which I used to teach at the Theosophical Society…. (those who read ‘My Road to Christ’ – should know I was a teacher there). So I stoped her and ask where she learned this. She told me from a special course at theosophical society many years ago…. “I taught that course!”. I said. She said she knew that but wasn’t sure I remembered her… to be fair I didn’t, the room was always dark and there were 30 people in there at a time always coming and going anyway… I’m glad she seemed to understand why I didn’t recognize her… but I told her that I was Christian now. So she asked, how did this happen – and I told her the entire story, as she just listened….

When I was done, and I explained that Jesus gave me everything I have and I owe even my life to him. She said, every religion is good and everyone goes to heaven….. This little statement is what spiraled our conversation quickly into a whole new discussion. I found out she was a regular at Lily Dale, she often practiced witch craft- and asmr was her way of luring men as she invoked the spirit of the siren…. With some of the things she had to say that wouldn’t make sense to a normal christian – Suddenly, a lot of things from my neo-pagan past came back to me. I knew exactly what she was doing, I knew I had also fallen under a spell… 

So now with religion out of the bag… I can not marry a neo pagan as a Christian, and I can’t force her to convert anymore then she seemed inclined to. At the same time I felt slightly violated, and it suddenly occured to me that everything about this was wrong and would never work. It was about then we began arguing over me being chritian because I was brainwashed and according to her “lacked knowledge”…
I left angry and slightly heart broken, and yet reminded the world is a cruel place. Then I prayed that God would forgive me – And to protect me from girls like this. 

That’s the end of her 

After this experience I’ve met a few other girls online sorta off and on. But I kinda felt like they are all the same. After this last one I’m really not interested. I have resolved a new strategy, that is to stop looking and let her come to me on God’s timing. Anything other seems to just lead to convivilaity. I’m still talking with the aquarium girl from the last article on this on and off – I just don’t expect it to go anywhere, but leaving the door open anyway. 

I shouldn’t have gone online. I met other girls on there not mentioned, that seemed nice. Yet, otherwise they’re not interested in me. In a way I kind of feel like they’re just jerking my chain of which I have little patience with so I just won’t bother. 

Mainly I think the trouble I have with dating is I have taken a secular approach to it, instead of a Christian one. Everything I have done is what I was always told in how adults date each other. In addition There is a whole science of compatibility involved that seems to get in the way more often then not. Followed by a generalized script and procedure involved… And sure when I finally went off the script and procedure I actually got alot further with it, and even then my heart was crushed over a fling.

Dating in modern times seems to be, you have to have sex with each other on the first date or it won’t go any further then that… of which I can not and will not do. (ASMR is now considered sex in my mind). So if I never get married because of it, fine with me. I’ll marry my PlayStation instead. 

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Christian Dating… phase I

Since I became Christian about 5 years ago I have enjoyed the single life and with that of course celibacy. In that, I think I have gotten very comfortable being single. I did not realize how much so until I decided to start dating again these past couple months. So, as a writer I’m just going to talk about my experience. 

First Girl

The first girl I met at the grocery store. I just made small talk with her about organic smoothies. She seemed interested so then I asked her if she was up to go to a juice bar. Of a truth I was well outside my comfort zone, but I just acted like it was the most normal thing in the world to pick up a girl. I figured this wouldn’t go anywhere anyway, but it’s a practice run so what the heck. To my surprise she said yes and asked if I could drop her off at her house first to put away groceries. Sure, why not….

 That’s when I discovered she was a slut, and I was a celibate Christian man. I was driving and talking, when she reached over to my ‘stick shift’. She told me then, we don’t have to go to the juice bar and that she feels like getting naked at her place. I was offended, but I just maintained composure and stoped talking. Took her to her house, and as a gentleman I carried in her groceries, then left her. 

Second Girl

Second girl I found online. She had nothing to do today, so I asked her if she wouldn’t mind coffee. So we met at spot coffee. I bought our drinks and food of course being a gentleman. As we started talking she pulled out her phone and looked at my profile…. At this point I kinda felt as if I were in a job interview while she reviewed my application. She asked me about this or that on my profile and I gave her answers of course. Though this was unusual, i thought i was doing good so far. Then she came to “Taxation is Theft” and asked about it as if it were a bad thing. So I explained to her how she is the owner the product of her labour, and how the government views her as their property- and therefore entitled to the product of her labour- so really taxation isn’t just theft it’s also slavery. She looked at me shocked and stunned, completely mortified even… I was a little bit surprised with her reaction, I only ever talk to people who think taxation is theft, she is the first person in a long time who ever said to my face; “Taxation isn’t theft and I’m weird”…. So I was like, whatever, I’ll just get my food to go then and left. 

Third Girl

The next girl I met at a pet store. She loved fish, and – if you can’t tell by the name of my blog site (I’m big on fish tanks too). She had 15 aquariums at home, to which I was amazed. I had to see this for myself, so I invited my self over, and she was thrilled at the idea of showing them off. Sure enough she had a house full of fish tanks, and she was telling me all about the different systems she set up as I marveled at her extreme nerdyness. When I was done with the tour I asked her if she would like to go to the aquarium in Baltimore with me. She was very excited about the idea, though it was a 7 hour drive…. 

In my mind a 7 hour drive isn’t that far, and here is where I realized I’ve been single doing my own thing way too long. I kind of thought it’s a great way to get to know someone… I almost forgot, Normal people don’t like to drive 7 hours to places, who knew right…  However that’s about where I lost her. 

She seemed like she wanted to go out with me, so we talked about different places instead that were closer. On on hand i could she was a very indescive person, on the other hand I could see this conversation spiraling into nothing – so I just put it out there to the bottom line; “Just pick anywhere you would like to go, and I’ll pay for it.” – Now what is wrong with that? Make it tommorrow or the next day, whatever and whenever is fine with me. So she gave me her number and said she will get back to me as she sent me on my way. 

I waited a few days and texted her, and we are still chating on and off…. This girl will make an appearance again in Phase 2 😉 

Fourth Girl

So then I went to a different church that had a coffee chit chat time. And I found a nice girl there, atleast I thought. She seemed to be a bit more flamboyant then most church girls, so I asked her if she ever went to Church in a Pub. She never heard of it, so I explained it’s like a bible study but at a pub. There is a pastor who does it downtown at pearl street brewery. She said well, it’s beer though and she didn’t want to become an alcoholic – and that I’m going to hell because I’m involved with it…. Well I’m not involved with it, I just heard of it and otherwise didn’t have an excuse to go… BUT anyway, she then proceeded to explain to me that alcohol is inherently satanic and anyone who drinks it deserves to go to hell…. In my mind, I was thinking Jesus first miracle was turning water into wine- and everything she was saying may as well be blah blah blah… despite this i asked if she wanted to go out for coffee instead. Sure – great, and off we went to the coffee shop. 

It seemed the foundation was already laid and not going to go anywhere. The flamboyant little doll I had met, suddenly became an evil church lady – picking me apart and analyzing all my sins. And she had only just met me…. Being christian I just told her that Indeed I have many sins, vod knkws all of them – however I am very devoted to my relationship with him, and scripture says he will take me anyway as I am. She got angry and said something, which I completely ignored- and I told her Thankfully my salvation is not contingent on her approval, that’s when I got up and left before she had a chance to say anything. 

Fifth Girl

Then I met another girl online, she loved animals and things, so I told her I have tickets to the zoo tommorrow, I was going to go with a friend but he cancelled… (yes this was a lie, but anyway). She liked the idea and we agreed to meet up. I showed up early so I could buy 2 tickets before she got there. So we get into the zoo, look around and talked about different things. Then I went to the bathroom… She snuck in to the men’s room, came from behind and grabbed my crotch as I was peeing. Again my first instinct was of course sure, let’s do this in the bathroom At the zoo! Then I remembered myself, pushed her back and left. 

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 Phase 1 complete

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All of that was just about my first week or so picking up girls… I figured, I don’t seem to have a problem getting girls at all. It’s getting one for longer then one day that’s a problem…. So I think my mistake was rolling them out on a conveyer belt, and perhaps rushing things, whilst trying to follow a standardized procedure. At the same time, I don’t think it was a mistake – it was just practice dating anyway. Getting my feet wet and testing the market of what I was dealing with in this war zone…. And indeed, it’s a war zone as I discovered in the next phase.  

Continue to Phase 2