The Science Of Bubbles.

In most cases people think bubbles are great for aesthetics and realy not much more. In fact they provide numerous benifits to the fish, bacteria, plants, and water. When you have a bubble stone it realses thousands or more tiny bubbles about the size of a germ. These microscopic bubbles privide the aquarium with oxygen and carbon dioxide which are the primary gasses in the earths atmosphere. while fish live under water they do still need oxygen. theyre gills are designed to take the oxygen in the water, most fish can actually split hydrogen and oxygen molecules that make up water. With increaseing the oxygen of the water you can prolong the fish’s life and keep it healthier. the carbon dioxide in the tiny bubbles are great for the plants. (In fact for smaller tanks a carbon system can be a bit of an overkill, an air pump with bubble stones are ideal). the plants then take that carbon and turn it into oxygen which of course helps the fish even more. Not only are you doing your fish a favor by introducing bubbles but you are also doing yourself a favor. How many of you enjoy scrubing the sides of your tank for 2 or more hours, only to have algea come back? In tanks that have a higher oxygen content, algea is less likely or will never grow in. algea likes water that is still and full of carbon or other toxic gases.

The big bubbles that you can see you can think of as helicopters. the bacteria that lives in your gravel will very likely get traped in one of those bubbles and will be shot up just above the water line of the tank and will make they’re way down. Why would this matter? well the enire tank is essentially a play ground for bacteria. there’s bacteria in the gravel, bacteria in the filter, bacteria in the water, bacteria in the air above the water, bacteria in the fish and even plants. Before you get the lysol make a note that most of this bacteria is healthy. keep in mind clear water has no life. the bacteria in the air above the water create most of the chemical balences in the water. by haveing bubbles and letting the bacteria in the gravel circulate to the top and back down to the bottom makes it easier for all the bacteria to balance them selves out. Keep in mind the bacteria are living organisms also and require some amount of oxygen or carbon aswell as fish. as for My final analysis of Bubbles is that they will provide your tank with extra water circulation, which is always helps clean up the tank. I have also found bubbles to help break down excess food.

So now that you have a scientific analysis of bubbles what should you consider before getting an air pump? you might want to think of a way to maximize the affects of the bubbles on the tank. the best way is to have two bubble stones. for max bennifits you can put one of those bubble stones infront of the filter whare the water is pouring in. this will increase the micro bubbles a little more and you’ll even see many little bubbles floating around the entire tank. another good way but not as effective is to have the bubble stones on opposite ends of the tank. however you decide to doit, with bubbles you’ll have a completely healthy tank from the molecular level up.

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How To Train Your Little Angels… Fish That Is.

Surprisingly enough it is very easy to train fish to do little things, the key is repetition. some species of fish are easier than others and I have found angelfish to be especially easy. Currently my angelfish already know how to come out of the water and kiss me on the lips, jump, and swim to the bottom of the tank (i call it sit). training your fish is not only kind of cool but it also builds a relationship with them. You may see signs that the fish grow more attached to you as you are to them. To start all you need is some freeze dried blood worms from a pet store.

everyday feed your fish by holding their food in your fingers and putting it in the tank water. wait patiently for the fish to come to you and eat out of your hand.don’t make any sudden movements as it will scare the fish. The reason you do this is to gain their trust, but keep in mind the fish that takes the longest to gain your trust is often the smartest in the tank and it’s worth your while to be patient with this one in particular as it will be easier to work with once he/she trusts you. the time table on this step is approx. a week depending only on your fish. keep feeding your fish this way until the fish you want to train dosnt hesitate at all to eat from your hand. if you want to take it a step further try getting your fish to let you pet it. simply stroke it lightly and once it sits still you have it’s complete trust. once you have the fish’s trust you can begin training.

The best trick to start with is jump. to start, take a single bloodworm and hold it so that it is just touching the surface of the water and wait for the fish to come up and eat it. when the fish has eaten the blood worm get another and keep doing it until the fish grabs it within a second or two. for most fish this does not take long at all.

once you have your fish doing that hold the blood worm a little higher each time. and repeat this three times a day until you can get your fish to jump simply by holding your finger over the tank.

training your fish to kiss you works much the same as jump except you put the blood worm on your mouth. some people find this disgusting and i suppose their right but the trick is so cute i suppose the good out ways the bad. However initially by putting your head (which is bigger than your hand) near the fish will terrify them, so simply feed them while your head is near the water to ease the tension. once they are use to your head simply put a bloodworm in your mouth and hold it so that it is just touching the water line. wait for the fish to come and grab it. do this over and over and over until the fish dosn’t need bloodworms to kiss you.

once you have these two basics down repeat them over and over. you’ll find that most fish once they trust you can be trained in less than 5 minutes but it’s the repetition that makes them remember their training. The more and often you do it the better.

Training the fish to “sit” is a little more complicated but do able. Mind you fish don’t rely sit they just swim to the bottom on command. for this trick you actually need the kit sold at http://www.r2fishschool.com/ the website uses goldfish but i’ve noticed my angel is alot easier. my friend thinks his betta was easy too. if you don’t want to buy something to train your fish you don’t have to. simply get creative but remeber the following basic principles:

1. Fish love food, they’ll do anything for it. which is good for you because it gives you an edge.

2. Repetition, Repetition, Repetition. You can easily get a fish to do something a few times but if your not repetitive they will forget it the next day.

3. Fish are smarter than you think. Never underestimate your fishes potential you’ll be surprised as to what they can be taught.

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Salt In A Fresh Water Tank?!?!?… Blasphemy!!!!

All too often, someone will ask me what to about this fish disease or that water problem and when I say “put some salt in the water” I always get this blank reaction followed by a “Are you crazy?” I can’t say I’ve ever seen a psychologist, but I do feel pretty sane and no one has told me otherwise so I assume the best. Salt in a fish tank, especially a fresh water tank, provides numerous benefits including but not limited to fish disease, chemical balances, pests from tap water, algae, etc.

Salt can clean wounds and fight infections

In ancient times salt was used on people to clean wounds and fight infections. For those of you who are christian, you will find in nearly every book of the bible, salt is mentioned as a cure for one thing or another. In fact, if you did a google search on salt medicine you will find 2,310,000 results. Aside from the fragility, Fish immune systems are rely not much different then people. Most of their diseases are also not much different from what people can get either.

The most common problem with that is pretty much unavoidable is fungus. At some point or another your fish will get little white puffy stuff growing on them. You can get this stuff called fungus guard which is about $5-$10 for a little thing of it. If you look on the label under ingredients, you will find it is made mostly of salt. In my experience, I have also found that tanks that have salt in them tend to have the most relaxed fish. You can literally move the tank around, shake up the water a bit, move things around, or virtually anything that causes fish to stress out and die, and yet the fish will have a greater likelihood of living. This is because the fish immune system controls everything in the fish itself. So the tougher the immune system, the tougher the fish. This of course does not mean you should put your fish in a bag filled with salt water and shake it up consistently for an hour, but it does mean your fish will be able to tolerate a lot more.

Salt balances things in liquids

Moving on to chemical balances, salt naturally balances things in liquids. If you ever read a cook book there are very few recipes that don’t call for salt for this very reason. In food salt releases more flavor in herbs and meats, then it naturally mixes the flavors around thus giving whatever your cooking an even and consistent mix of flavor. (This way you don’t eat one side of the cake and taste chocolate and then eat the other side and taste flour.) The same concept goes for your fish tank; one part of the tank will have as much oxygen and carbon as the other side. This consistency allows bacteria to be plentiful, fish are less likely to receive any toxins, and plants can grow there roots where ever they want becoming fuller and larger. In addition to the over all well being of the life in your tank, I have found that when salt is added the tank virtually stays clean for long periods of time. (I haven’t cleaned my 20 gallon in 10 months). I believe this is a result of healthy bacteria that are much better at breaking down gunk.

Algae hates salt

Another nifty advantage of salt is Algae absolutely hates it. Fresh water algae simply dies on impact of salt. additionally the pests that make there way into your tank from the tap hate as well. While salt water tanks have there own types of algae and pests do keep in mind your not gonna add so much salt for those things to live in your tank either. So now the question is how much salt and what kind to get?

Salt in the aquarium

There are more types of salt in the world then I rightly think any one person knows about. However, with your fresh water tank there are two types that are best; Table salt and Marine salt. The advantage of table salt is you can get a lot of it from pretty much anywhere for 50 cents. Marine salt is also good, although your not gonna get it for 50 cents, it does have extra minerals and nutrients in it that are that much better for fish. Ultimately, I have found the difference between the two is very little. The fish don’t care if you spent 50 cents or 30 bucks on them, so why should you? But, whichever you decide to get, I advise that you add 1/2 to 1 cup per gallon. Any time you change the water, add the same amount for every gallon you changed. Sometimes you might notice some salt build up on the light or around the filter. Simply wipe it off and put it back in the tank. Also, the salt will never evaporate. So, if you have to add water simply because it evaporated, you do not need to add any more salt. I have noticed that if you pour the salt in over a plant, the plant will get too much of it at a time and will die, so either put it in the filter or over the top of a rock.

There are many other advantages of salt in a fresh water tank such as the water will hold heat longer, carbon from carbon systems stays longer, the color of fish and plants get more vibrant, breeding gets easier, snail control… I can literally go on and on. This so called “Blasphemy”, just like so many other things called blasphemies, (ex: the world is like a ball not a disk, Woman speaking their minds, My neighbor is a witch because her crop is better than mine) Makes it a dumb idea not worth paying attention to.

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Jellyfish: A sting in Evolution

As an incurable fish tank hobbyist I do my homework on care for exotic fish and corals to keep in a tank. Oh I could walk you around so many things, but one thing that stands out alot is the Jellyfish. There is a reason Jellyfish are not found in any pet store. It’s not because it’s endangered, not because it stings people- Its because they require such delegate care a tank just cant provide. Lets talk some specifics: 1. water temperature has to be precise within 72 to 73 in the summer, 65 in the winter but if it falls below 63 it dies. It has to fluctuate gradually in such a way that rhythms with the ocean, you cant just turn down furnace or well it dies. 2. Nitrogen, ammonia, oxygen levels and so many other chemicals- This gets very advanced very quick, but in summary the levels also have to change in such a rhythm, within very specific parameters, that is impossible (or very hard) to duplicate, or well it dies. 3. food- Jellyfish eat plankton, too much will suffocate it and actually rip the membrane, or too little will starve it- either way it dies without just the right amount. 4, The easiest way to kill your pet jellyfish is the way the water has to flow- You cant just stick it in with a standard filter or it gets sucked up and well dies. There cant be any sharp corners or it gets caught and rips then dies. the current cant be too strong or too light or it dies…. It should be clear to see by now its extremely easy to kill a jellyfish. Aquarium hobbyist all over the world have tried many many things to keep jellyfish, and the biggest success ended up with keeping them for about 6 months untill well they died. This success was due by the hobbyist doing ALOT of research in how jellyfish live in the wild, their life cycles, water changes, seasons, plankton migration, etc… He managed to duplicate all these things in a customized tank and yet the jellyfish in the wild lives about 2-5 years. So what does killing jellyfish have to do with evolution?

Alot, Jellyfish are of the very first forms of life 700 million years ago, according to the scientific model. In all this time Jellyfish have remained the same exactly the same, yet all they do is randomly float around. Also according to the scientific model the earth has undergone extreme changes. It has been burned, Iced over for hundreds of years, Suffered violent volcanic

Darwin said Jellyfish fossils do not exist, or it contradicts his whole theory. Ta Da!!
Darwin said Jellyfish fossils do not exist, or it contradicts his whole theory. Ta Da!!

periods, etc… But here we have our friend the jellyfish, an evolutionary miracle – it would seem its completely exempt from evolutionary theory. Someone once told me even in the ice age there were warm pockets of water that jellyfish could live during the extreme ice ages… But this I learned was a convenient lie, AND if their were such pockets well The jellyfish would not be able to live because of the cold ice water moving into the warm water… (in nature when a cold current comes in swarms of jellyfish die, because they cant tell if its time to mate or time to sleep, this is just how sensitive they really are).

So I have 2 points that makes the jellyfish a testimate to Gods creation.
1. Jellyfish are too sensitive to still be here after 700 million years and so many global changes. They could never survive because they cant even adapt to a fish tank much less the rest of it.
2. Jellyfish have never evolved, which completely contradicts one of the basic ideasof evolution “It either evolves or becomes extinct”.
But there is another point on this that includes the fossil record… One might be tempted to ask, Why are there so many jellyfish fossils? I would think this is obvious. there was this thing on the earth called the great flood. So lets think about the flood a minute.

Have you ever try walking into a pond with out kicking up sand so you can see where you’re stepping… It does’nt happen, the sand and dirt just kicks up no matter how gently you step. Well the bible tells us the Fountains of the earth opened up and swallowed the surface… Imagine how much dirt and sand that kicked up. So our little jellyfish floats over into all this commotion, he gets pulled and dragged by nasty currents, keels over and float down to the bottom. There all the dirt begins to settle on top of the corpse. Then about 5000 years later an atheist comes along with a shovel and says “hey, I found this jellyfish fossil in a rock layer thats 600 million years old!” our friend the atheist does not consider all I’ve told you about jellyfish care, he assumes to himself just as you did jellyfish are pretty insignificant, He assumes the rock layer is whatever age he assumes in his own mind, Hes not really interested in finding the truth as much as assuming a biased opinion on his find. And yet no one can give an exemplary history of how jellyfish are still here. In fact you will find more and more scientific circles completely ignore the jellyfish dilemma within a the accepted scientific model. If you go to learn about jellyfish in evolution the text books suddenly become like coloring books, for the very reason they can not fit into an evolutionary model. All they really say about it is “It lived 700 million years ago, we found it in the rock layer”. But look at other animals, say the insignificant bumble bee- There’s volumes of details how they evolved and survived these changes on earth.

Now in science sure there is things that are reasonably unknown, for the genuine reason its just unknowable. But jellyfish are a very simple creature, while they are so sensitive they don’t have much about them to ponder or debate. we can measure the temp, we can see how nature has its rhythms and how jellyfish react to them, sure they don’t do well in a tank but that is because a tank cant mimic these very specific rhythms. If the scientific model of evolution wants to be correct then it literally has to throw out the books to conform to the jellyfish requirements. If this ever happened, there can be no 200 year periods of ice ages, No millions of years of changing climates, Chemistry has to be thrown out, to a point Physics may even be involved. Things in the ocean have to be fairly consistent for the jellies over long periods of time, which only seems to work in a creationist model.. In my opinion all of creation is a testament to god, and he put a lot of work into jellyfish. Some are very elaborate and gorgeous, some glow in the dark, some can kill things like whales and sharks, some are pretty plain and basic. But all of these require so much love and attention, we as people are just not capable of providing for. As an aquarium hobbyist I can live with not having a jellyfish tank, because they can only live in the natural environment- the environment god made for them 6000 years ago. That very same environment exists today with minimal differences. Should the evolutionary model be correct, then it can only be by the grace of god these things are still with us. And that is why Jellyfish are the biggest wrench in evolution.

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My Road to Christ

When I was about 3 years old, for some reason I remember telling my mother ‘Lets start going to church’ and while she was an athiest at the time she said ok. As a 3 year old I kinda think I got the idea from something I saw on tv, I didnt really know what I was talking about, My mom probably thought i’d get bored and never want to go back after the first time. It would seem god was working not on myself then actually my mother. That first sunday she heard a sermon, while us kids were in a puppet show, that apparently had her in tears- for reasons I dont know. This isn’t how I found christ however. I went to church as a kid every sunday until I was about 13 or so when I discovered Paganism. I went well out of my way then to ensure my mom wouldnt take me back to church, and I have to say she held up a good fight for it. I loved the occult, there was just so much more depth with it, I can do magic, I can know the secrets of kabbalah, I can become enlightened. My teen years could be sumed up in a never ending quest to find the truth, and i looked into everything in the mystery religions. There were times in the summer it would get so hot I made it rain. There were times in the winter I didnt want to go to school I would make it snow. Oh yeah these things actually do work, no illusion or tricks magic is quite real. However, even the pagan books would warn about using magic so frivolously as i was doing- and it was one particular day I called the rain and suddenly a tornado came down to a nearby town killing 19 people. I feel like i learned something that day a kind of responsibility, a certain scrutiny of my own intentions I admit I still carry today as a christian.

Years would pass I read about every mystic thing I could. My mother would try to stop me but I as a teenage boy it only fueled my rebelliousness. I eventually began talking to spirits and Gods in my meditations, dreams, and tarot cards. It was weird (looking back on it) I would stand there having a full out conversation with someone like nothing, meanwhile a voice in my mind would tell me what to say or how to say it. Goddeses and gods would come to me all the time asking me to proclaim my loyalty to them, or direction in how to serve. They revealed to me alot of mystery secrets enough for someday I would use to join the Theosophical Society. I swear alot of people would think I was an emo or goth or just weird after telling them I was a pagan teen, but to be honest I really was more a prep type. I got along with everyone- my personality has never been much else then very bubbly and charismatic. My friends at school was such a mix between Cheerleaders, nerds, those emo kids, D&D geeks, and just about everyone. I had some bullies now and then but I had a good ability to make friends even with my worst enemies. I think it’s a rare gift for someone practicing paganism, especially at such a depth I was involved with it- but there it is.

Pretty much as soon as I was 18 I moved out of moms house. I had $200 to my young name lived in highland town Baltimore and got a job as a deli guy at a grocery store. On my own I was free to do as I pleased, go where I pleased, read what I pleased, Drink and party as I pleased… The trouble is well, I was still a nerd at heart for mysticism, Never really indulged myself like that so much I was too “Spiritual” for that. Before, I didnt really need money, but at this time of my life yeah that changed. Would you be amazed that by 21 years old I did a Mercedes commercial, Modeled in new york, hung out with Paris Hilton in LA, Traveled Europe and the US completely free. Seriously, I never once had a dime yet it seemed everything I wanted just sorta happened just by thinking about it. It was by this time I was convinced I knew my stuff in magic. After my exciting youth I settled down in Buffalo, ny. It was when everything would change.

Here in Buffalo there was not a single job around, most of the city is on welfare, I didnt have any professional skills and it would seem “Wishing youre way in life” only goes so far. I had to live with an actor in his spare bedroom for $50 a month, which I struggled very hard for. What kind of place do you think you get for $50 a month you might wonder… I’ll tell you this I was getting the karmic bill from touring Europe alright. The actor wasnt so bad, we always hung out, went to theater parties all the time, mostly as a means just to eat. For some reason i couldnt even get food stamps, though i ment the income qulifications alright- neither me or my actor friend were really struggling to survive. He was pagan too, he introduced me to thngs like Lily Dale and the theosophical society. Buffalo, ny just had so much mystic culture in it, i think its what really drew me here in the first place. Some how my struggle to survive period didnt seem to bother me much. I could meditate my problems away, i had a good friend with me who always had free tickets to a show in town, and I found places to really re connect with mysticism. What more could i want?

I joined the theosophical society with ease. The master of the chapter was absolutely convinced he saw the spirit of Hathor with me, and indeed this was my patron goddess. He knew i was the rare type that knew how to talk to people, educate them on complicated subjects, was warm and inviting, and the kind of youthful charm that when used properly could influence everything around me at a slight touch. He would tell me these things many times, and the trouble is he wasnt lieing. I made my young career here giving lectures and presentations. I held meetings and people would come from 200 miles away in Canada just to hear me speak about the most boring things like ‘sacred geomancy’. I absorbed every book in the theosophical library, to the point they had to special order texts from ancient babylon with original texts. I would sit down and read these with a dictionary deciphering a long lost language. I think even now I can still read hieroglyphics from Mayans, Egyptians and Mesopotamia. The trouble with this so much of ancient texts is junk. the goal for me was to find the hidden secrets of ancient mystics and bring them to life now.

It would be about 2 years of this I had a meditation i remember still today that was so vivid and real and fresh in my mind, to this day it gives me chills. I was standing in a dark place when a shadow of an woman holding a cobra appeared. The woman didnt speak a word she stood likea statue as the snake danced in her hand. ‘Do not fear me jessie we are well aquainted i am in just a new form to you’ the snake said. “I am of the seven hathors, see how we change”. Indeed the woman phased forms between a cat woman, an alligator, isis, and a bull as the cobra said this. “I come here to give you a gift, The bite of Kafar” I asked the snake to spell it for me so I might look it up later. The snake was pleased to tell me because he knew the reason I asked was to verify he was a real spirit not something in my imagination. (I will get back to this later). “You have a thirst for knowledge which is why I want you to have this gift, but are you ready for what I can do for you? Here is a test of faith.” the snake said as he divided himself into a swarm of snakes that slithered all over my body. I could feel it was so real every snake just piled and swarmed on me and I wasnt afraid, this cobra had a certain familiarity but I was never aware of the concept of 7 hathors. “Here it is the bite of Khafar”. the snake bit my forehead, he then warned me to take it easy the next few days, let it settle in. The meditation went on to other things but entirely irrelevant for now. I soon learned Khafar ment the mind in ancient Hittite and that while it is part of an ancient dead language the word specifically refers to a special gift of wisdom. It apparently has only been mentioned twice in all known ancient Hittite writings. It would seem the cobra is not a new spirit… A christian reading this Im sure you have youre thoughts who this cobra actually is.

It would be now when I meditated the egyptian god Thoth would come to me. Rightly so I guess he was the god of Wisdom and mysteries. My career at theosophical lectures did well, I was able to buy my own house without a loan and seemingly everything would be great from now on right? Dead wrong… I began asking inconvenient questions and coming up with heretical ideas. Not just to my spirits in meditations but people around me. Things like ‘Permanence can only come from morality’ or “How can we create our own reality, but reality can still suck”. I lost alot of ‘friends’ very quickly around 23 with talk like this. I relized something then, These new age people they are not interested in the truth, they want a distraction. Here I was doing my best to learn credable mystery teachings, and everyone else was simply looking for something to shock and amaze them. my next question became ‘If all these people are just looking for something to distract themselves, then have I wasted my time seeking the truth”, the response from the master was this. “People will follow you anywhere as long as you tickle their ear, if you give them facts they get scared, if you question morality they get angry. It’s better to allow them to find their own truth and their own reality- its all relative anyway”. I asked him “Where is the line drawn? dont you realize with this logic the entire universe couldnt have any stable part, the proof is everywhere There is a not so relative of a reality”. Let me tell you this man was a democrat in the strictest sense. I suppose I alienated him so much with this argument I was kicked out of theosophy. Things were rough before but now I own a home without a job, in a city where labor is expendable and a job is hard to find.

The new chapter of my life would begin by me alienating every new age person i met and knew simply by asking questions i suppose i should never mention. Even my actor friend disowned me, For the first time in my life reality hit hard, very hard. I got a job as a bartender and lost it within 6 months due to management changes. I was fired from the dollar store because i spent too long with an old lady at the register who couldn’t find her checkbook. I was fired from a door to door job because no one wanted to buy the $8000 vacuum they wanted me to sell… Still for some reason i kept getting denied food stamps. It was like the world just shut its doors everywhere i went. Even my meditations just wernt working, my tarot cards wouldnt speak like they would… Suddenly i knew what reality was in the worst possible way. I couldnt even afford to buy roman noodles. I said to myself everyday I will come back into the sun and I wont sacrifice my dignity. I wont beg for food at the street corner, I wont loose my self. I can do this and i can do this with dignaty, pride, and never show my suffering. My new idea was give up on finding a job- its just pointless. I have a 4 bedroom house maybe i can rent to college students. so i did but this would prove more a challenge then i thought.

Many people lived in my house one of them however made it a point to take everything I owned, almost. I came home one day litterally all my furnature, books, bed tv everything was gone. I knew who did it, my other room mates had a constant complaint about this guy smokeing crack. Though I kicked him out it felt by this point just as well to loose all these things, i didnt have much to begin with. Soon I just felt like I was going insane. I had this hazy feeling, i just couldnt make proper sense of anything. Probably from only eating maybe once or twice a week. It was hard for me holding on to my self assurd dignaty, and not letting people see me suffer. soon everyone would ask me am I ok? i dont look good. a statement that just felt like knives, and yet i just coughed up a ‘yes im fine what do you mean?’ I just wanted to brush it off. Every day I had to decide do i pay the electric bill so my roomates dont sue to break the lease or do I eat. A year of this eventually put me in the psychward at the city’s worst possible hospital. Not worse as in ‘criminal’ just they are know to give the worst possible care to people. I was muttering like a schizophrenic, everything around me was a constant blur. The hospital would send therapist but they told me I wasnt allowed to eat because i was under ‘observation’. At the same time the whole psychiatric part of the hospital was so full there wasnt any beds. They had 7 beds with about 30 people stuffed in this little corner of the hospital. Me I was so hazy i didnt have a chance to think this was weird for some reason. For 3 days straight no food no sleep, Sometimes I thought I was back in France, others i thought i was 4 years old again. Eventually I initiated a riot with the staff- I had a sudden relization they werent accomidating because they were lazy not because of ‘observation’. I walked into the room with the other crazy people turned off the tv they were watching and demanded they got pisst for they way they were being treated. The crowd rushed to the nurses in an uproar i swear they looked as if they never expected it in a million years. the police came in and put everyone on lock down except me where they sat me aside to negotiate i suppose. I told them im in no condition to leave I relize this, I need help but this is not helping me. Starving us and lack of sleep it just makes things even more hazy, for the first time I just cried. I felt so pathetic, that here i was beging a hearltess nurse that thinks im giving him a lawsuit for food, and that i would even be in such a state from so much- AND i just cant keep my dignity anymore.

They reinstated me for 3 more days, feed us and gave me a private room. They also had me signed up for medicade because there was no way I could pay this hospital bill. I asked for a bible. I don’t know why It was just something in my state i really felt i needed to have it. For 3 days the nurses would try buttering me up suddenly they were all buddy buddy now. My head cleared up tremendously. I read the bible for those 3 days nonstop flipping the book just reading. and by the end of 3 days the hazy feeling was completely gone. Yet even here this story doesnt end with me coming to christ.

No I never sued the hospital for their mistreatment, But I later read they had to shut down the psych center because of the kinds of things i went through just 2 weeks after I left. I went on saying to myself I will forget the mystic religion. All I want now is money everything else is just stupid. I want no part of mysticism, no eastern philosophy, or anything new age. Im just going to be agnostic. and when I said that i had a dream, It was Hathor who came to talk to me. She told me I need to come back to her- I began asking questions like Show me who you really are give me youre one true form? She was so angered by me testing her this way, she scratched my belly with her claws (When I woke up I actually had huge claw like marks on my belly). Michael however came into this dream, he didnt say one word to me But I just felt like it was him- yet somehow I didnt know a thing about him I just knew. but anyway He came into the dream with a sword in hand, the goddess had divided hereself into a hundred snakes ready to rip me apart Michael slashed each head like a Hydra. Another angel came from behind me and pulled me away and told me don’t worry, everything will be ok now. I woke up and just heard singing like a choir, I felt like there were several angels in my bedroom and they were holding hands circling around me like a ring. I dont know how to describe it be honest but at this point I never felt clearer headed before in my life i knew i wasnt crazy. Still i kept my convictions. No more religion what so ever, for 4 years I saved my money. I learned the stock market during the recession. Oh yes I was either brave or stupid, But I knew I had to try it.

I got another job as a bartender, I kept my roommates income, I didnt spend one cent on anything I didnt need I put it all into stocks. I still wouldnt even buy furnature my house was empty. The recession was at it’s low I had the feeling it could only go up, I just have to stick with this plan. I learned everything I could about the markets, Investing, What kinds of things to look for, How to look for them… It seemed like I was suddenly learning a whole new language and a whole new lifestyle. I played a game with a friend. We would get random stock charts from the 80’s or before, without looking at them cover a piece of paper on the last half and try to predict what the stock was going to do. The idea was simple, No fooling around, I wanted real stocks to predict without knowing how they turned out and build a skill in the market. I was pretty good at it. Quickly all this paid off I made alot of money through the recession, I didn’t quite understand why the world was doom and gloom about it, if they only knew what I was teaching myself, well… I already learned about not trying to teach people things they didnt want to hear. I found some people like getting cought in pessimism almost as much as some people perfer being caught in optimism like the new age crowd. Eventually I started my own company here at home And well was bored alot. I could now work for myself I didnt need roomates or a bar tending job. I eventually went to collage for nursing just to have a plan b, but otherwise my days became uneventful. I started reading history. LOTS of history, American History, ancient History. I read science, philosophy, physics, math, I just read about everything on google that was possibly available. What did you think my inner nerd stopped?

There was a time I became so entrenched with WW2 and Nazi Germany I just loved it because it was just an unsolvable thing for me. So much of history in this period really is propaganda, what made it a puzzel was If i wanted to understand Nazi Germany I need to know everything about Germany in order to separate allied propaganda from Nazi propaganda in order to get facts. Yes I left no stone unturned I even delved into holocaust denial and took considerations from it. You might find this strange but Hitler is the one who showed me Jesus was the only one, there can be no middle ground. Here I was on months of study I saw what the communists were doing, I saw how people lived, I knew how Hitler fit into all this- Yet through all this chaos There was a very deliberate hand at work. Things played out in such a delegate way so that #1 Germany would be saved from communism by having Hitler, but at the same time #2 Hitler himself was brought to the shameful end of suicide in his bunker at just the right time so communist russia could never recover after he bombed them all the way to Moscow. If the communists succeed in taking Germany before Hitler showed up in Wiemar republic (Like they were going to, and was the plan) It would have spread through out Europe, AND today the whole world would be a one world Joesph Stalin styled government so easily. But while this hand left the Russians crippled so much so eventually communism would have to collapse. AND this delegate hand that was just so subtle, managed to get the bulk of Jews out of harms way into Israel. Such a balance here One dictator is no more powerful then the other, and each destroys the other in such a balanced way Evil cant take over the world.  This deliberate hand worked in such subtle ways in WW2 there is so much detail in this realization, but it’s hardley worthwhile going into it here. However, his realization humbled me as it is now Im crying just thinking about it. I knew the Jews were the Christian gods people, and I’ve heard he works in mysterious ways.

I read the bible again. I discovered Jesus was not the jesus I heard about in sunday school as a kid. He wasnt a self righteous prood who could walk in the desert without getting his feet dirty wearing sandals. Jesus was a kind man actually very upbeat and at the same time very intelligent. Here was a man I always felt was too good for anyone, tossing around orders on how to be a slave to a boring church lady with no life but to complain about how evil everything was. That was not the Jesus I was reading about this time. I saw a man who would not have his guest humiliated by running out of wine at his own wedding. I saw a man who loved children and laughed with his disciples. I saw a man who wasnt afraid to stand up for himself or others. I saw a gracious host who feed the 5000 people who came to see him with bread and fish. I saw a real jesus. I saw a Jesus that loved the outcasts He avoided hypocrites and legalism, and with his popularity was himself an outcast. something tangible not fanciful. I can see why he was to be the judge of the earth, he was truely a righteous judge- a good man who lived as a man. He just felt real as i was studying through the book of Matthew. I was also surprised to learn there was 4 books about him in all (I didnt know this) each was a different perspective of his life from his apostles. I read on through the book of acts what the disciples did, How the life of christ spreed out. I went beyond that I read history books of christianity, the early church, I found myself picking Christianity apart to the point my thirst for knowledge just felt Quenched! It was november 6th 2013 I bowed my head and said; “Jesus, I see the power of you is so great, I feel as if all i have studied and been through was for this. I want you in my life and heart. I want you to baptize me with the fire of the holy spirit. Ask what ever you need from me, my home, my buisness, my cat, my everything its yours. my own life I surrender to you and your father. Take everything from I am youre servant….”

My prayer went on for 20-40 mins and I swear I was saying things i didnt even know was a christian concept like ‘baptize me with the fire of the holy spirit” I didnt even know i was required to surrender my everything to him. the words just flowed out of my soul and each second i was saying it felt like I was being filled with such…. i dont know how to put it…. like, a ‘weight’ was off of me. A kind of calm love, a freedom, a certain healing as if I could just forget everything and never worry again. Ive been reading the bible ever since. It’s like i dont want to read so much anymore to learn, I kinda just like reading the word of god. I really think God gave me the book nerd gift for me to have that prayer because ever since I just have no desire to know everything anymore. I know that wont make alot of sense to alot of people, but that side of me just felt fulfilled.

At first I was kind of closeted about my new found faith. It seemed like the whole world was coming in at me trying to get me to declair or denounce my faith to them. I tried evading the questions, gracefully pushing them aside or changing the topic… But it seemed the more i avoided it the more it came. even the most random people would confront me on it. My friends not even knowing about my prayer said I looked different, like I have this ‘Glow’ about me. literally just strangers on the bus would ask me why do they feel so calm sitting next to me and no body else. The time came when a friend of mine actually cornered me in about it. He would not let me change the topic, he refused to let me leave until I told him I believed in christ and serve the lord. It was that night I EXPLODED with the holy spirit!!! I went on and on up and down about Our father in Heaven, I told him bible stories and what they ment, I taught him what biblical marrage was, I told him how great and benevolent our lord jesus chrsit was and what he did for me!!! For hours he argued with me, and for hours I rebutled by praising god, completely stripped and unashamed. My friend walked out crying saying he doesnt know me anymore, how stupid I suddenly was, how selfish I was for not asking him. He was on the floor in tears asking ‘What about me, why abandon me’ in a fetal position…  I swear the way he was acting that night was so strange, almost demonic, I touched him on the shoulder and told him be calm and leave. and it just I dont know my friend wasnt crying anymore. It’s almost as if god knew I needed to break out of my shell, so he sent a demon around to follow me. Or perhaps all the demons knew who I was to them and got word of the ‘Demon town Gossip’ I dont know but my shell just cracked open and I havnt been ashamed since.

So The story ends with this, Today I still love Christ, I still pray everyday, I do the best I can to follow the holy word. I have had my old dignity shredded and given a new one. I had my sanity stripped from me and given a new one. I had my friends taken away and given new ones. I have made friends with demons, and made them my enemy. I have known confusion and found a truth that quenched my thirst. I’ve even seen a literal spiritual war for my soul. My new life began the day I said that prayer to Jesus, It has been such a blessed one so far.  looking at it all I think I was refined before I came to god. He was working in me even as I was lost, Today the devil himself is my Foot Stool!! This was my road to Christ my savior.

 

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Ruth Lester, Story of My Grandmother

The tale begins at the city of Memel, Prussia (now Klaipeda lithuania) in 1936 with a small 10 year old girl named Ruth Lester. Her mother was all this girl had as her father (Fritz) abandoned the family to live in Coburg. It was in this year her mother died with symptoms believed today to be cancer. Ruth at age 10 began working at the chocolate factory to provide for herself, a job she really loved. (I imagine any child would love this job). for 3 years she would go to work, come home, feed the chickens, and play with friends from the factory. In 1939 Hitler came to town and her friends took her with them to go to the parade. Ruth remembered how the whole town shut down to welcome him into the city. Apparently he was there to sign an agreement with the local politics that Memel become part of the Reich. The politics did not want to agree to terms however had no alternative given lack of international support, as well as local public support. Shortly after this public appearance Ruth’s father came to Memel to bring her to Germany. He was just a violin player at Landstheater in coburg, but some how he knew Memel was going to be bombed by Russia that very night and he wanted to take her out of there.

Before packing her bags Ruth was told she is not allowed to take anything with her. she wanted her dolls to be safe. Her father told her to put the dolls in a box and bury them by the rail road tracks. Russian soldiers will not bomb the tracks because they are needed as trade routes. So she buried them. Ruth also had some friends she did not want to be bombed, they were older kids helping/living with her at the house- also working at the chocolate factory. Ruth begged her father to take Rose and Richard with them into Germany because they were her only family. Later that night while these 4 were on the train going to Germany, the Russians came and took Memel.

Fritz had to figure out how to get these kids citizenship, It was a long burocratic process. He legally adopted Ruth, though she was not allowed to live with him. Richard and Rose were too old to be adopted. It was decided all of them had to live in Stuttgart, Richard would have to wait for his work pass while Fritz sent money to pay their living expenses. It took 4-5 years before Richard could work and marry Rose. Ruth was very happy in this time living in Stuttgart, she loved being able to go to school with other kids. She would come home and do house choirs, play with her friends, finally living life like a normal child. She often took the city bus and loved that one moment the bus would be quiet and still as people went to work. Suddenly someone would start singing and the whole bus would break out in song. She also remembered Hitler coming to see her again and a huge parade broke out in the streets for him just like in Memel. This band of kids took family trips to places around the Rhine, Oktoberfest in Munich, every so often her father would come and take them to the theater in town, and to his theater in Coburg. For her Stuttgart was like a dream come true.

When Ruth came of age her father decided it was time for her to come live with him in Coburg, Fritz being able to provide for himself now. There wasn’t any need to keep Ruth there. She had a love hate relationship with Coburg. She loved the quiet town, how everything was beautiful and smaller then Stuttgart. She liked going to the opera to watch her father play the violin. However her father did not really know how to be a father. He always had theater parties with his friends she of course had to clean up after. He expected her to take on the role of more a house wife then a daughter…. a house wife that would put up with being an after hour bartender while he had a new girlfriend every week. (sometimes 3 at a time). He did not really raise her, they were never close- He saved her life though and tried as best as he understood, he just did not know how to go from party boy to daddy.

However one of fritz’s friends (Hanz, a cello player) told him that Stuttgart was going to be bombed by the allied forces, and that he needed to get Richard and Rose out of the city. Apparently an American soldier told him while he was drunk at the bar. (theater people tend to be the best kind of spies during the war it would seem) Once again Fritz hoped on the train to get them out. Equally that very night began a rape on Germany by every allied force, Stuttgart will be leveled within months from bombings. Once again the gang was back together in Fritz’s house, they decided from there they would stay and watch the political situation. Richard got a job at the Landsetheater with fritz in the meantime. It was around this time Fritz informed Ruth that he has come to a marriage arrangement for her. He told her then he relized he was not the best father, but never the less he wanted to do the best for her. The marriage was arranged through his friends at the landestheater from the other landestheater in Linz. The man was Lauritz Melchior. He was an Opera singer, much older then Ruth, he also had 2 children from another marriage in which he was a widower. This same man would later film 5 Hollywood movies and get a star on Hollywood Boulevard. Ruth did not know how to take this man when she met him. He was much like her father in that he only wanted her to raise his kids and take care of the house. He was like many of her fathers friends- Always boasting about how great he was- like many actors the conversation always seemed to turn to him. Ruth couldn’t stand the man one bit though knew her father worked hard for this arranged marriage, she bit her tounge for only a little while.

Rose found out the American soldiers were having a party in town, they rented out a ball room in town welcoming German girls. Some of the soldiers brought their girl friends, and most were just their with their army friends. Rose brought Richard, Ruth just wanted to have some fun with her friends. The music played and everyone was having a good time, Ruth realizing she was third wheel to Richard and Rose stepped aside and went to the bar. She sat quietly to herself for a time, but across the room she had an admirer. His name was Earl, and he walked over to the bar to ask Ruth for a dance. She was reluctant at first, being engaged, she told him sure but only as friends. They danced and danced all night. before they knew it the sun was up. Earl never let Ruth far from his sight as he gently courted her in the streets of Coburg, and she would gently push him away… At first.

Ruth went to her father and told him she can not marry the opera singer, and that there was another man who loved her. Her father did not take this news very well at all. Though he was fuming with anger he tried to remain calm and wanted to meet this man. So Ruth invited him to dinner and it was there the young soldier would find himself in a unexpected German interrogation.

Where are you from? why are you here? what are you doing with my daughter? what is Bluefield West Virginia? Do you have inheritance? who is you’re family?… all of the answers here simply could not compete with a wealthy and prestigious Opera singer, that he had worked so hard to arrange. Earl was a red blooded hillbilly in just about every way a person can be a hillbilly. However Fritz remained mindful not to bring that up since he could see very plainly Ruth loved this guy and her genuinely returned the affection. Rose and Richard made sure not to provide any input not wanting to get involved, the dinner was at best described, aquard.

Fritz told Ruth she was throwing away her life for this guy. Ruths friends told her Americans hated Germans now that the war was over. If Ruth married him of course she would have to come to the States and never see her family again. Once there the Americans might even kill her because she’s German. All these things that people told her did not matter to Ruth she loved the man and the man loved her and it was as simple as that. They were married and moved back to Stuttgart for a time. It was there in 1947 Elfie was born, the nurses at the hospital were so amazed at how small she was and nick named her Mushie (meaning little girl). Earl was given leave to see his family and came to West Virginia. Ruth was very nervous meeting Earls family- what if her friends were right and the Americans would hate her. For hours going into the country side, with each passing mountain the tension just grew, until they came to Earls mothers house, Sarah.

Ruth slowly walked up to the porch very nervous, Sarah rushed out first thing giving Ruth a hug. With such a Warm hearted and very accepting gesture, Ruth’s tension just melted away. Sarah of course was glad to finally see her son and her new grand daughter. The family all got together to meet her, Ruth was enjoying so much the company, she seemed to fit right into the family effortlessly. Though it was brief, Earl had another assignment in Germany, Ruth could not wait to tell her family in Germany how great everyone was.

Fritz would never really be apart of Ruths life from now on, it’s plain to see he knew that from this point. He only had his daughter a short time and now she was married with a kid. Even worse with a former enemy soldier whos family is so “Kind and Accepting”- it was clear he lost his daughter. He would write to Ruth all the time until he died, but he would barely ever see her again. To some degree he held that grudge against Earl, he would never really like him- but he was a good man to Ruth and for him that was what mattered.

Ruth and Earl would now travel the world from army base to army base with little Elfie. The little family loved it. Ruth would always have new friends amongst the army wifes. her best friend for a long time was a lady from Japan. Ruth joked, the 2 were the axis front within the American base. she was yet again surprised however how this Japanese girl and she never had a problem fitting in with the Americans during and after the war. Here were soldiers who’s job was to blow up both their countries, yet no one gave anyone the slightest hint of prejudice. Eventually Ruth would have to part with her Japanese friend, and many other army wife friends as they had to bounce from base to base. She made sure to keep in contact with her family in Germany no matter where they went.

In 1957 as the Russians announced they launched the first ever space satellite, Ruth and Earl were very busy in the ER. Gary was born. The nurses at the hospital nick named him after the Russian satellite ‘Sputnik’. As the little satellite sent little beeps back to earth Elfie was 10 years old now and happy to meet her little brother.

Years would pass, eventually Earl would join civilian life, Ruth was somewhat happy her endless traveling was over. They were stationed at Fort Mede Maryland, Elfie was already enrolled at Hammond High. They decided they would stay by the base as the kids already had their friends there. Earl had some difficulty adjusting to civilian life, and he drank beer considerably. though over time he would get adjusted to working a normal job, living in a normal house. Years later Elfie would Marry a man named Joe Winsted and very soon after Brett was born. Later of course Gary grew up and brought home Linda (his story on meeting Linda is almost just as romantic as his parents, However I will let him tell you for himself). Ruth and Earl would now be Grandparents- and they were both excellent. Bret loved going to West Virginia to see the family there, though he often said the boys out their play rough. Gary and linda would not be far behind Elfie Giving them Steven and Peter. Earl spent a great deal of time with the kids and they were very close. They watched them grow up, as they grew old. they always wanted to keep the family close together and did everything they could for the grand children that would later come.

Elfie took a great deal after her mother, she was independent minded, though a bit of a hippy rather conservative. Her husband Joe however was not very responsible. Though Ruth liked Joe very much she understood her daughters reasons for wanting a divorce. she insited joe would not be a stranger, In her eyes he will always be family. It would not take long before Elfie brought home a new guy his name was Richard. She met him at her job and they were married. They then gave birth to Jessie (me) in 1987. 2 months later Gary and Linda had there 3rd boy Mathew.
At this point I can speak from a personal perspective. Ruth was probably the best grandmother anyone could have. Every Sunday we went to see her after church, and she would tell stories about Germany and make sure everyone was fed well. Me and Matthew kept this little old lady pretty busy. Of course the best thing being where mom and dad said no Grandma always said yes (most of the time). One time we went to adventure land (now sixth flags) and me and Matt talked her into riding Superman at 70 years she didn’t even flinch to do it with us. She got older and older and well eventually she died. Not only was ruth so lively but she had the heart of a saint. Here was a woman who prayed Hitler and Joesph stalin wouldn’t go to hell just the same as Churchill or Roosevelt. There is actually only 1 person I remember her actually calling particularly evil- it was the queen of England when the news was buzzing that princess Diana died. She even went as far as writing letters from santa to us grandkids- I actually believed they were from santa for a long time, It was hard evidence among my friends. Her life was pretty incredible, though a certain artistic liberty was taken with this tale It is completely based on what she told us, Paperwork from her father Fritz in Germany, and historical documents from the time. I think when I put all these together the story of her life is one we should never forget. Though this is just a rough draft for now, Im curious if anyone would like to add before I put this up on Ancestry.com

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My road to Christ.

When I was about 3 years old, for some reason I remember telling my mother ‘Lets start going to church’ and while she was an athiest at the time she said ok. As a 3 year old I kinda think I got the idea from something I saw on tv, I didnt really know what I was talking about, My mom probably thought i’d get bored and never want to go back after the first time. It would seem god was working not on myself then actually my mother. That first sunday she heard a sermon, while us kids were in a puppet show, that apparently had her in tears- for reasons I dont know. This isn’t how I found christ however. I went to church as a kid every sunday until I was about 13 or so when I discovered Paganism. I went well out of my way then to ensure my mom wouldnt take me back to church, and I have to say she held up a good fight for it. I loved the occult, there was just so much more depth with it, I can do magic, I can know the secrets of kabbalah, I can become enlightened. My teen years could be sumed up in a never ending quest to find the truth, and i looked into everything in the mystery religions. There were times in the summer it would get so hot I made it rain. There were times in the winter I didnt want to go to school I would make it snow. Oh yeah these things actually do work, no illusion or tricks magic is quite real. However, even the pagan books would warn about using magic so frivolously as i was doing- and it was one particular day I called the rain and suddenly a tornado came down to a nearby town killing 19 people. I feel like i learned something that day a kind of responsibility, a certain scrutiny of my own intentions I admit I still carry today as a christian.

Years would pass I read about every mystic thing I could. My mother would try to stop me but I as a teenage boy it only fueled my rebelliousness. I eventually began talking to spirits and Gods in my meditations, dreams, and tarot cards. It was weird (looking back on it) I would stand there having a full out conversation with someone like nothing, meanwhile a voice in my mind would tell me what to say or how to say it. Goddeses and gods would come to me all the time asking me to proclaim my loyalty to them, or direction in how to serve. They revealed to me alot of mystery secrets enough for someday I would use to join the Theosophical Society. I swear alot of people would think I was an emo or goth or just weird after telling them I was a pagan teen, but to be honest I really was more a prep type. I got along with everyone- my personality has never been much else then very bubbly and charismatic. My friends at school was such a mix between Cheerleaders, nerds, those emo kids, D&D geeks, and just about everyone. I had some bullies now and then but I had a good ability to make friends even with my worst enemies. I think it’s a rare gift for someone practicing paganism, especially at such a depth I was involved with it- but there it is.

Pretty much as soon as I was 18 I moved out of moms house. I had $200 to my young name lived in highland town Baltimore and got a job as a deli guy at a grocery store. On my own I was free to do as I pleased, go where I pleased, read what I pleased, Drink and party as I pleased… The trouble is well, I was still a nerd at heart for mysticism, Never really indulged myself like that so much I was too “Spiritual” for that. Before, I didnt really need money, but at this time of my life yeah that changed. Would you be amazed that by 21 years old I did a Mercedes commercial, Modeled in new york, hung out with Paris Hilton in LA, Traveled Europe and the US completely free. Seriously, I never once had a dime yet it seemed everything I wanted just sorta happened just by thinking about it. It was by this time I was convinced I knew my stuff in magic. After my exciting youth I settled down in Buffalo, ny. It was when everything would change.

Here in Buffalo there was not a single job around, most of the city is on welfare, I didnt have any professional skills and it would seem “Wishing youre way in life” only goes so far. I had to live with an actor in his spare bedroom for $50 a month, which I struggled very hard for. What kind of place do you think you get for $50 a month you might wonder… I’ll tell you this I was getting the karmic bill from touring Europe alright. The actor wasnt so bad, we always hung out, went to theater parties all the time, mostly as a means just to eat. For some reason i couldnt even get food stamps, though i ment the income qulifications alright- neither me or my actor friend were really struggling to survive. He was pagan too, he introduced me to thngs like Lily Dale and the theosophical society. Buffalo, ny just had so much mystic culture in it, i think its what really drew me here in the first place. Some how my struggle to survive period didnt seem to bother me much. I could meditate my problems away, i had a good friend with me who always had free tickets to a show in town, and I found places to really re connect with mysticism. What more could i want?

I joined the theosophical society with ease. The master of the chapter was absolutely convinced he saw the spirit of Hathor with me, and indeed this was my patron goddess. He knew i was the rare type that knew how to talk to people, educate them on complicated subjects, was warm and inviting, and the kind of youthful charm that when used properly could influence everything around me at a slight touch. He would tell me these things many times, and the trouble is he wasnt lieing. I made my young career here giving lectures and presentations. I held meetings and people would come from 200 miles away in Canada just to hear me speak about the most boring things like ‘sacred geomancy’. I absorbed every book in the theosophical library, to the point they had to special order texts from ancient babylon with original texts. I would sit down and read these with a dictionary deciphering a long lost language. I think even now I can still read hieroglyphics from Mayans, Egyptians and Mesopotamia. The trouble with this so much of ancient texts is junk. the goal for me was to find the hidden secrets of ancient mystics and bring them to life now.

It would be about 2 years of this I had a meditation i remember still today that was so vivid and real and fresh in my mind, to this day it gives me chills. I was standing in a dark place when a shadow of an woman holding a cobra appeared. The woman didnt speak a word she stood likea statue as the snake danced in her hand. ‘Do not fear me jessie we are well aquainted i am in just a new form to you’ the snake said. “I am of the seven hathors, see how we change”. Indeed the woman phased forms between a cat woman, an alligator, isis, and a bull as the cobra said this. “I come here to give you a gift, The bite of Kafar” I asked the snake to spell it for me so I might look it up later. The snake was pleased to tell me because he knew the reason I asked was to verify he was a real spirit not something in my imagination. (I will get back to this later). “You have a thirst for knowledge which is why I want you to have this gift, but are you ready for what I can do for you? Here is a test of faith.” the snake said as he divided himself into a swarm of snakes that slithered all over my body. I could feel it was so real every snake just piled and swarmed on me and I wasnt afraid, this cobra had a certain familiarity but I was never aware of the concept of 7 hathors. “Here it is the bite of Khafar”. the snake bit my forehead, he then warned me to take it easy the next few days, let it settle in. The meditation went on to other things but entirely irrelevant for now. I soon learned Khafar ment ‘the mind’ in ancient Hittite. While it is part of an ancient dead language, the word specifically refers to a special gift of wisdom given specifically by a snake bite on the forehead. It apparently has only been mentioned twice in all known ancient Hittite writings. I couldn’t find much more details on it then that. it would seem the cobra is not a new spirit… A christian reading this Im sure you have your thoughts who this cobra actually is.

It would be now when I meditated the egyptian god Thoth would come to me. Rightly so I guess he was the god of Wisdom and mysteries. My career at theosophical lectures did well, I was able to buy my own house without a loan and seemingly everything would be great from now on right? Dead wrong… I began asking inconvenient questions and coming up with heretical ideas. Not just to my spirits in meditations but people around me. Things like ‘Permanence can only come from morality’ or “How can we create our own reality, but reality can still suck”. I lost alot of ‘friends’ very quickly around 23 with talk like this. I relized something then, These new age people they are not interested in the truth, they want a distraction. Here I was doing my best to learn credable mystery teachings, and everyone else was simply looking for something to shock and amaze them. my next question became ‘If all these people are just looking for something to distract themselves, then have I wasted my time seeking the truth”, the response from the master was this. “People will follow you anywhere as long as you tickle their ear, if you give them facts they get scared, if you question morality they get angry. It’s better to allow them to find their own truth and their own reality- its all relative anyway”. I asked him “Where is the line drawn? dont you realize with this logic the entire universe couldnt have any stable part, the proof is everywhere There is a not so relative of a reality”. Let me tell you this man was a democrat in the strictest sense. I suppose I alienated him so much with this argument I was kicked out of theosophy. Things were rough before but now I own a home without a job, in a city where labor is expendable and a job is hard to find.

The new chapter of my life would begin by me alienating every new age person i met and knew simply by asking questions i suppose i should never mention. Even my actor friend disowned me, For the first time in my life reality hit hard, very hard. I got a job as a bartender and lost it within 6 months due to management changes. I was fired from the dollar store because i spent too long with an old lady at the register who couldn’t find her checkbook. I was fired from a door to door job because no one wanted to buy the $8000 vacuum they wanted me to sell… Still for some reason i kept getting denied food stamps. It was like the world just shut its doors everywhere i went. Even my meditations just wernt working, my tarot cards wouldnt speak like they would… Suddenly i knew what reality was in the worst possible way. I couldnt even afford to buy roman noodles. I said to myself everyday I will come back into the sun and I wont sacrifice my dignity. I wont beg for food at the street corner, I wont loose my self. I can do this and i can do this with dignaty, pride, and never show my suffering. My new idea was give up on finding a job- its just pointless. I have a 4 bedroom house maybe i can rent to college students. so i did but this would prove more a challenge then i thought.

Many people lived in my house one of them however made it a point to take everything I owned, almost. I came home one day litterally all my furnature, books, bed tv everything was gone. I knew who did it, my other room mates had a constant complaint about this guy smokeing crack. Though I kicked him out it felt by this point just as well to loose all these things, i didnt have much to begin with. Soon I just felt like I was going insane. I had this hazy feeling, i just couldnt make proper sense of anything. Probably from only eating maybe once or twice a week. It was hard for me holding on to my self assurd dignaty, and not letting people see me suffer. soon everyone would ask me am I ok? i dont look good. a statement that just felt like knives, and yet i just coughed up a ‘yes im fine what do you mean?’ I just wanted to brush it off. Every day I had to decide do i pay the electric bill so my roomates dont sue to break the lease or do I eat. A year of this eventually put me in the psychward at the city’s worst possible hospital. Not worse as in ‘criminal’ just they are know to give the worst possible care to people. I was muttering like a schizophrenic, everything around me was a constant blur. The hospital would send therapist but they told me I wasnt allowed to eat because i was under ‘observation’. At the same time the whole psychiatric part of the hospital was so full there wasnt any beds. They had 7 beds with about 30 people stuffed in this little corner of the hospital. Me I was so hazy i didnt have a chance to think this was weird for some reason. For 3 days straight no food no sleep, Sometimes I thought I was back in France, others i thought i was 4 years old again. Eventually I initiated a riot with the staff- I had a sudden relization they werent accomidating because they were lazy not because of ‘observation’. I walked into the room with the other crazy people turned off the tv they were watching and demanded they got pisst for they way they were being treated. The crowd rushed to the nurses in an uproar i swear they looked as if they never expected it in a million years. the police came in and put everyone on lock down except me where they sat me aside to negotiate i suppose. I told them im in no condition to leave I relize this, I need help but this is not helping me. Starving us and lack of sleep it just makes things even more hazy, for the first time I just cried. I felt so pathetic, that here i was beging a hearltess nurse that thinks im giving him a lawsuit for food, and that i would even be in such a state from so much- AND i just cant keep my dignity anymore.

They reinstated me for 3 more days, feed us and gave me a private room. They also had me signed up for medicade because there was no way I could pay this hospital bill. I asked for a bible. I don’t know why It was just something in my state i really felt i needed to have it. For 3 days the nurses would try buttering me up suddenly they were all buddy buddy now. My head cleared up tremendously. I read the bible for those 3 days nonstop flipping the book just reading. and by the end of 3 days the hazy feeling was completely gone. Yet even here this story doesnt end with me coming to christ.

No I never sued the hospital for their mistreatment, But I later read they had to shut down the psych center because of the kinds of things i went through just 2 weeks after I left. I went on saying to myself I will forget the mystic religion. All I want now is money everything else is just stupid. I want no part of mysticism, no eastern philosophy, or anything new age. Im just going to be agnostic. and when I said that i had a dream, It was Hathor who came to talk to me. She told me I need to come back to her- I began asking questions like Show me who you really are give me youre one true form? She was so angered by me testing her this way, she scratched my belly with her claws (When I woke up I actually had huge claw like marks on my belly). Michael however came into this dream, he didnt say one word to me But I just felt like it was him- yet somehow I didnt know a thing about him I just knew. but anyway He came into the dream with a sword in hand, the goddess had divided hereself into a hundred snakes ready to rip me apart Michael slashed each head like a Hydra. Another angel came from behind me and pulled me away and told me don’t worry, everything will be ok now. I woke up and just heard singing like a choir, I felt like there were several angels in my bedroom and they were holding hands circling around me like a ring. I dont know how to describe it be honest but at this point I never felt clearer headed before in my life i knew i wasnt crazy. Still i kept my convictions. No more religion what so ever, for 4 years I saved my money. I learned the stock market during the recession. Oh yes I was either brave or stupid, But I knew I had to try it.

I got another job as a bartender, I kept my roommates income, I didnt spend one cent on anything I didnt need I put it all into stocks. I still wouldnt even buy furnature my house was empty. The recession was at it’s low I had the feeling it could only go up, I just have to stick with this plan. I learned everything I could about the markets, Investing, What kinds of things to look for, How to look for them… It seemed like I was suddenly learning a whole new language and a whole new lifestyle. I played a game with a friend. We would get random stock charts from the 80’s or before, without looking at them cover a piece of paper on the last half and try to predict what the stock was going to do. The idea was simple, No fooling around, I wanted real stocks to predict without knowing how they turned out and build a skill in the market. I was pretty good at it. Quickly all this paid off I made alot of money through the recession, I didn’t quite understand why the world was doom and gloom about it, if they only knew what I was teaching myself, well… I already learned about not trying to teach people things they didnt want to hear. I found some people like getting cought in pessimism almost as much as some people perfer being caught in optimism like the new age crowd. Eventually I started my own company here at home And well was bored alot. I could now work for myself I didnt need roomates or a bar tending job. I eventually went to collage for nursing just to have a plan b, but otherwise my days became uneventful. I started reading history. LOTS of history, American History, ancient History. I read science, philosophy, physics, math, I just read about everything on google that was possibly available. What did you think my inner nerd stopped?

There was a time I became so entrenched with WW2 and Nazi Germany I just loved it because it was just an unsolvable thing for me. So much of history in this period really is propaganda, what made it a puzzel was If i wanted to understand Nazi Germany I need to know everything about Germany in order to separate allied propaganda from Nazi propaganda in order to get facts. Yes I left no stone unturned I even delved into holocaust denial and took considerations from it. You might find this strange but Hitler is the one who showed me Jesus was the only one, there can be no middle ground. Here I was on months of study I saw what the communists were doing, I saw how people lived, I knew how Hitler fit into all this- Yet through all this chaos There was a very deliberate hand at work. Things played out in such a delegate way so that #1 Germany would be saved from communism by having Hitler, but at the same time #2 Hitler himself was brought to the shameful end of suicide in his bunker at just the right time so communist russia could never recover after he bombed them all the way to Moscow. If the communists succeed in taking Germany before Hitler showed up in Wiemar republic (Like they were going to, and was the plan) It would have spread through out Europe, AND today the whole world would be a one world Joesph Stalin styled government so easily. But while this hand left the Russians crippled so much so eventually communism would have to collapse. AND this delegate hand that was just so subtle, managed to get the bulk of Jews out of harms way into Israel. Such a balance here One dictator is no more powerful then the other, and each destroys the other in such a balanced way Evil cant take over the world.  This deliberate hand worked in such subtle ways in WW2 there is so much detail in this realization, but it’s hardley worthwhile going into it here. However, his realization humbled me as it is now Im crying just thinking about it. I knew the Jews were the Christian gods people, and I’ve heard he works in mysterious ways.

I read the bible again. I discovered Jesus was not the jesus I heard about in sunday school as a kid. He wasnt a self righteous prood who could walk in the desert without getting his feet dirty wearing sandals. Jesus was a kind man actually very upbeat and at the same time very intelligent. Here was a man I always felt was too good for anyone, tossing around orders on how to be a slave to a boring church lady with no life but to complain about how evil everything was. That was not the Jesus I was reading about this time. I saw a man who would not have his guest humiliated by running out of wine at his own wedding. I saw a man who loved children and laughed with his disciples. I saw a man who wasn’t afraid to stand up for himself or others. I saw a gracious host who feed 5000 people who came to see him with bread and fish. I saw a real Jesus. I saw a Jesus that loved the outcasts He hated hypocrites and legalism, and with his popularity was himself an outcast. something tangible not fanciful or pretentious. I can see why he was to be the judge of the earth, he was truely a righteous judge- a good man, Gods son who lived as a man and dealt with all manner of the same crap we have today. He just felt real as i was studying through the book of Matthew. I was also surprised to learn there was 4 books about him in all (I didnt know this) each was a different perspective of his life from his apostles. I read on through the book of acts what the disciples did, How the life of christ spread out. I went beyond that I read history books of Christianity, the early church, How god himself spread the word to even the Scythian barbarians, as far out to China and India (all just within the first century). I found myself picking Christianity apart to the point my thirst for knowledge just felt Quenched! It was November 6th 2013 I bowed my head and said; “Jesus, I see thier is no one greater then you, I feel as if all i have studied and been through was for this. I want you in my life and heart. I want you to baptize me with the fire of the holy spirit. Ask what ever you need from me, my home, my buisness, my cat, my everything its yours. my own life I surrender to you and your father. Take everything from I am youre servant….”

My prayer went on for 20-40 mins and I swear I was saying things i didnt even know was a christian concept like ‘baptize me with the fire of the holy spirit” I didnt even know i was required to surrender my everything to him. the words just flowed out of my soul and each second i was saying it felt like I was being filled with such…. i dont know how to put it…. like, a ‘weight’ was off of me. A kind of calm love, a freedom, a certain healing as if I could just forget everything and never worry again. Ive been reading the bible ever since. It’s like i dont want to read so much anymore to learn, I kinda just like reading the word of god. I really think God gave me the book nerd gift for me to have that prayer because ever since I just have no desire to know everything anymore. I know that wont make alot of sense to alot of people, but that side of me just felt fulfilled.

At first I was kind of closeted about my new found faith. It seemed like the whole world was coming in at me trying to get me to declare or denounce my faith to them. I tried evading the questions, gracefully pushing them aside or changing the topic… But it seemed the more i avoided it the more it came. Even the most random people would confront me on it. My friends not even knowing about my prayer said I looked different, like I have this ‘Glow’ about me. Literally just strangers on the bus would ask me why do they feel so calm sitting next to me and no body else. The time came when a friend of mine actually cornered me in about it. He would not let me change the topic, he refused to let me leave until I told him I believed in christ and serve the lord. It was that night I EXPLODED with the holy spirit!!! I went on and on up and down about Our father in Heaven, I told him bible stories and what they ment, I taught him what biblical marrage was, I told him how great and benevolent our lord jesus chrsit was and what he did for me!!! For hours he argued with me, and for hours I rebutled by praising god, completely stripped and unashamed. My friend walked out crying saying he doesnt know me anymore, how stupid I suddenly was, how selfish I was for not asking him. He was on the floor in tears asking ‘What about me, why abandon me’ in a fetal position…  I swear the way he was acting that night was so strange, almost demonic, I touched him on the shoulder and told him be calm and leave. and it just I dont know my friend wasnt crying anymore. It’s almost as if god knew I needed to break out of my shell, so he sent a demon around to follow me. Or perhaps all the demons knew who I was to them and got word of the ‘Demon town Gossip’ I dont know but my shell just cracked open and I havnt been ashamed since.

So The story ends with this, Today I still love christ, I still pray everyday, I do the best I can to follow the holy word. I have had my old dignity shredded and given a new one. I had my sanity stripped from me and given a new one. I had my friends taken away and given new ones. I have made friends with demons, and made them my enemy. I have known confusion and found a truth that quenched my thirst. I even have a tangible reason to believe I’ve seen spiritual warfare for my soul on a first hand basis!! My new life began the day I said that prayer to Jesus, It has been such a blessed one so far.  looking at it all I think I was refined before I came to God. He was working in me even as I was lost. The road is still before me, it will twist and turn i am sure, But as long as I am walking it with Jesus I will never be alone or left astray!! It took awhile for me to come around, but Ive met even the devil himself and know he is my Foot Stool! This was my road to Christ my savior.

(I like happy ending songs, Truly Britney Spears touched this tale for me perfectly. Check out a kind of prelude to this tale of where i am today in. Healing the Snakes Bite from the Fruit)

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