Christian Dating… phase I

Since I became Christian about 5 years ago I have enjoyed the single life and with that of course celibacy. In that, I think I have gotten very comfortable being single. I did not realize how much so until I decided to start dating again these past couple months. So, as a writer I’m just going to talk about my experience. 

First Girl

The first girl I met at the grocery store. I just made small talk with her about organic smoothies. She seemed interested so then I asked her if she was up to go to a juice bar. Of a truth I was well outside my comfort zone, but I just acted like it was the most normal thing in the world to pick up a girl. I figured this wouldn’t go anywhere anyway, but it’s a practice run so what the heck. To my surprise she said yes and asked if I could drop her off at her house first to put away groceries. Sure, why not….

 That’s when I discovered she was a slut, and I was a celibate Christian man. I was driving and talking, when she reached over to my ‘stick shift’. She told me then, we don’t have to go to the juice bar and that she feels like getting naked at her place. I was offended, but I just maintained composure and stoped talking. Took her to her house, and as a gentleman I carried in her groceries, then left her. 

Second Girl

Second girl I found online. She had nothing to do today, so I asked her if she wouldn’t mind coffee. So we met at spot coffee. I bought our drinks and food of course being a gentleman. As we started talking she pulled out her phone and looked at my profile…. At this point I kinda felt as if I were in a job interview while she reviewed my application. She asked me about this or that on my profile and I gave her answers of course. Though this was unusual, i thought i was doing good so far. Then she came to “Taxation is Theft” and asked about it as if it were a bad thing. So I explained to her how she is the owner the product of her labour, and how the government views her as their property- and therefore entitled to the product of her labour- so really taxation isn’t just theft it’s also slavery. She looked at me shocked and stunned, completely mortified even… I was a little bit surprised with her reaction, I only ever talk to people who think taxation is theft, she is the first person in a long time who ever said to my face; “Taxation isn’t theft and I’m weird”…. So I was like, whatever, I’ll just get my food to go then and left. 

Third Girl

The next girl I met at a pet store. She loved fish, and – if you can’t tell by the name of my blog site (I’m big on fish tanks too). She had 15 aquariums at home, to which I was amazed. I had to see this for myself, so I invited my self over, and she was thrilled at the idea of showing them off. Sure enough she had a house full of fish tanks, and she was telling me all about the different systems she set up as I marveled at her extreme nerdyness. When I was done with the tour I asked her if she would like to go to the aquarium in Baltimore with me. She was very excited about the idea, though it was a 7 hour drive…. 

In my mind a 7 hour drive isn’t that far, and here is where I realized I’ve been single doing my own thing way too long. I kind of thought it’s a great way to get to know someone… I almost forgot, Normal people don’t like to drive 7 hours to places, who knew right…  However that’s about where I lost her. 

She seemed like she wanted to go out with me, so we talked about different places instead that were closer. On on hand i could she was a very indescive person, on the other hand I could see this conversation spiraling into nothing – so I just put it out there to the bottom line; “Just pick anywhere you would like to go, and I’ll pay for it.” – Now what is wrong with that? Make it tommorrow or the next day, whatever and whenever is fine with me. So she gave me her number and said she will get back to me as she sent me on my way. 

I waited a few days and texted her, and we are still chating on and off…. This girl will make an appearance again in Phase 2 😉 

Fourth Girl

So then I went to a different church that had a coffee chit chat time. And I found a nice girl there, atleast I thought. She seemed to be a bit more flamboyant then most church girls, so I asked her if she ever went to Church in a Pub. She never heard of it, so I explained it’s like a bible study but at a pub. There is a pastor who does it downtown at pearl street brewery. She said well, it’s beer though and she didn’t want to become an alcoholic – and that I’m going to hell because I’m involved with it…. Well I’m not involved with it, I just heard of it and otherwise didn’t have an excuse to go… BUT anyway, she then proceeded to explain to me that alcohol is inherently satanic and anyone who drinks it deserves to go to hell…. In my mind, I was thinking Jesus first miracle was turning water into wine- and everything she was saying may as well be blah blah blah… despite this i asked if she wanted to go out for coffee instead. Sure – great, and off we went to the coffee shop. 

It seemed the foundation was already laid and not going to go anywhere. The flamboyant little doll I had met, suddenly became an evil church lady – picking me apart and analyzing all my sins. And she had only just met me…. Being christian I just told her that Indeed I have many sins, vod knkws all of them – however I am very devoted to my relationship with him, and scripture says he will take me anyway as I am. She got angry and said something, which I completely ignored- and I told her Thankfully my salvation is not contingent on her approval, that’s when I got up and left before she had a chance to say anything. 

Fifth Girl

Then I met another girl online, she loved animals and things, so I told her I have tickets to the zoo tommorrow, I was going to go with a friend but he cancelled… (yes this was a lie, but anyway). She liked the idea and we agreed to meet up. I showed up early so I could buy 2 tickets before she got there. So we get into the zoo, look around and talked about different things. Then I went to the bathroom… She snuck in to the men’s room, came from behind and grabbed my crotch as I was peeing. Again my first instinct was of course sure, let’s do this in the bathroom At the zoo! Then I remembered myself, pushed her back and left. 

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 Phase 1 complete

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All of that was just about my first week or so picking up girls… I figured, I don’t seem to have a problem getting girls at all. It’s getting one for longer then one day that’s a problem…. So I think my mistake was rolling them out on a conveyer belt, and perhaps rushing things, whilst trying to follow a standardized procedure. At the same time, I don’t think it was a mistake – it was just practice dating anyway. Getting my feet wet and testing the market of what I was dealing with in this war zone…. And indeed, it’s a war zone as I discovered in the next phase.  

Continue to Phase 2

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