Alice in Wonderland

There was a time when I could cry at the tip of a hat, but honestly ive been beaten around so much I couldnt even fake it if I tried. There was a time when the world made complete sense to me, yet now I’ve seen so much of it- Like I’ve watched it flip completely upside down and turn back up again. Nothing really shocks me anymore, nothing really makes me go WOW!

I can honestly say there isnt much in this world I havnt heard or done myself. If you read My Road to Christ you get a lot of highlights of things ive gone through, yet somehow it’s only just a glimpse. I’ve read through some other bloggers road to christ stories and I have to say I’m amazed just how much of a mess I really was as a sinner. Mostly because I can say yup ive been there at every single one of these other peoples tales.

The downside is I came out of all of it, today I walk around and I swear I feel like Alice in Wonderland. Is the whole world crazy and i’m the only one thinking right? Am I supposed to be excited about this or that, or is all these people overzealous over nothing? Literally I feel like sometimes I have to play a part in wearing a mask so people think Im normal- though i’m not even really good at it- or even care enough to try hard to wear a mask.

Someone told me about how evil free trade was, I thought yeah and why do you think so? He wrote a blog that was very watered down- he understood the gist but didnt understand the economics of it or really the grand scheme at play. He admited he didnt even want to know all of that. The Idea “Free trade isn’t evil, its the way Free trade has been corrupted thats evil” did not make any sense to him at all. I realized I could talk to him up and down, left ways and sideways about it- but the man is twice/three times my age, and played a part in raising me. If he doesn’t understand all this by now he has no interest in learning/hearing from me. I’m 27 years old, I shouldn’t know about this stuff myself either. Though I think a basic understanding of Free Trade and the economics at work is important before writing a blog about it. Otherwise it will show very clearly you don’t know anything at all and people will not take you seriously. Ce la Vie it’s his blog, not mine- but anyone who rejects study before publishing is usually a propagandist working from other propagandist work- even if they are 60 something.

I suppose the point of that digression was I kinda think to myself about so many other people on the internet that think like him. He doesn’t value any amount of education, all he wants is to regurgitate a creative lie- under the pretext of ‘Simplifying’ a complex problem. He doesnt sit there and think this is why we have Free Trade and that people started it for a good reason. He doesnt say to himself, How is this supposed to work in order to understand whats wrong with it. As far as he knows, he knows everything when truly he doesn’t know a thing. A concept so prevalent in the internet today. It just fills peoples heads up with nonsense and propaganda- facts are too ‘Relative’ and ‘Trivial’.

Like my brother in law. He went to the hospital for some tests. (The man is paralyzed so his body does all kinds of weird things). They were worried he might be showing signs of cancer. I went along to be with him, he was so nervous he made me swear I wouldn’t say a word to his wife. No worries lets just get this over with, right. The MRI scan comes in and theres spots in his throat. Me I looked at the spots they were perfect little circles- like dots. The doctor said this may be a tumor but he needs to do another scan at a better hospital. I happen to know these spots and I speak the doctors language. The spots were a result of an MRI mistake. Sometimes particles get caught in the film canister when the xray is printed out. The doctor doesn’t want to SAY it’s the hospitals fault for a minor mistake, but yeah he kinda did. I told my brother in law this and why I know its not cancer, he just asked me why I’m so heartless? Like I just ordered his death sentence. He gets all excited crying all the way home (4hours) and spills the beans to his wife about everything he wanted to keep a secrete. The whole family gets upset and everyone needs to drive down, like this is his last day on earth. Me I’m sitting in the background getting a million questions and all I can say is: “we will see on the next test. its likely this was a mistake”. Time and time again everyone looks at me like I’m a jerk.

So we go to the second test and 14 people have to go this time, all completely hysterical. The new MRI comes in and guess what, he’s fine- no spots were there. Now what am I supposed to say, better luck next time? I tell him I’m so happy everything is fine- but he looks at me like yeah right.

No I wasnt crying or feeling bad, because I knew what I was looking at, and I know the doctor isnt going to fault his machine- hence the words “Might be a tumor but another hospital may have better equipment”. Well Ive been here before with them, I know what they say and what they mean to say. As for his cancer like symptoms, it turns out they were brought on because he had gas. So yeah, this was a waste of time.

It’s more then this though. I read the news sometimes and see things like the Ferguson trial riots. I think to myself all this chaos over one hood rat, where were they for the 300 other cases like this in downtown Baltimore just last month? Crying and ranting, burning buildings, and bringing on a whole new civil rights movement and things thats just unnecessary. How is it I could be so indifferent to it- well because I can see people act very irrationally, I’ve always known that. Somehow things get drummed up way out of proportion, and when they do people often forget the original reason they started being upset in the first place. To me this looks like mass hysteria, pushed further by martial law.

To say I’m heartless might be much, I choose carefully where to invest my emotions I guess. I’m not easily aroused, persuaded, manipulated or insulted. I suppose with that I kinda expect others to be the same way, even though they aren’t. I feel like im Alice sitting at the tea table with the mad hatter trying to make sense of things that makes no sense at all. The whole worlds going completely mad or over sensitive and they all want to suck me into it.


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One thought on “Alice in Wonderland”

  1. I get what you are saying. I, too, am not as panicky as most of my family members and when we were younger, I was seen, at one point or the other, as quite insensitive because i did not REACT a certain way. (I am actually very sensitive but won’t become so because everybody else is).

    I don’t necessarily follow mass emotion..thats why you won’t see me in “movements”. I tend to step away from such and evaluate how I actually feel without all the influence.

    Needless to say, I have not been your typical example of peer pressure all my life.It’s not to say I have not been influenced in my life but it is not a norm for me.

    Anyway..less of me (sorry)….point is, I get your post and I like the way you think! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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