How to speak Democrat

I know it’s a tough language to learn but if republicans want to get their points across your going to have to know how to talk to these people. Otherwise they will destroy our country.

1. We- the word “we” should be used a lot. Democrats are all about collectivism. Where you would normally be talking about yourself or someone else say “We”. Sometimes this is a manipulative term they could sound like they mean themselves but they really mean you. (Use the words ‘you’ or ‘me’ as less as possible think about the Borg on star trek)
“We played solitare at home last night” or “we need to take the trash out”.

2. Don’t talk about the bible. Ever!! Remember Democrats are like vampires, they become angry and afraid whenever God is mentioned. Unless you are creatively manipulating the bible.

3. Never point the blame on things so directly. That guy shot someone? No he didn’t. Society made that guy shoot him. Sure there was 200 witnesses and a camera footage of the shooting. And while he confessed to kill that guy for no reason, it wasn’t entirely that man’s fault. The core of the issue is our culture is so corrupt it’s influenced this man and everyone else to shoot each other. No matter how obvious someone is guilty remember to find a way to blame society, never the criminal.

4. Learn how to project your problems onto other people. A sort of run off of #3 and #2 it’s not your fault you have credit card debt, a crazy home loan, no savings, and 6 kids. It’s other people, banks, society as a whole that made you have these things. But there is more to this train of thought- everyone else has the very same problem! Thus making it a society issue.

5. Racism is not just about race. Never use the term “those people”. You could find yourself simply saying “Those kids across the street…” Don’t ever ever say that,  you are a biggot and a racist. Instead say “The kids across the street” it’s more politically correct, key word “The”. Any time something happens to black people, indians, asians, or other it’s always white people’s fault. No matter how much you have to make it into white people’s fault- it is other wise you’re a racist. Also you are a racist if you disagree with religion, except christianity, all other religions are noble and wonderful- especially if they practice cannibalism and beastiality.

6. Use the term “change the way we think” almost all the time, especially when your selling something. “Change the way we think about the Bible” for example is a suitable statement about the Bible. It doesn’t matter what you say after this term a Democrat will agree with what ever it is even if they usually disagree with the idea.

7. “Sustainable” is another term democrats like. You can call anything from raising taxes to genocide sound great just tell people it’s for Sustainability. As a Republican you too can use this word for what ever you want. “Progressive” is another good word. If you can manage to get these 2 words in one sentence your pretty amazing. But if you add “innovation” you can do no wrong.
“We need to make a progressive leap forward in sustainable tax cuts and deregulation for innovative job growth”
“We need to change the way we think about sustainable energy by progressively decressing green energy funding.”

8. Feel guilty about everything. One thing democrats love is self loathing and liberal guilt. Mostly because their party started things like slavery or slaughtering the Indians. Make sure you bring that up all the time. But remember it wasn’t democrats fault or no particular group, it was the whole of societies fault.
“America built itself on exploited labor of slaves in the south. We need to decress America’s wealth today to pay for it”

9. Observe how I used the word “We” in the above examples. Don’t forget that word it’s just that important.

10. Everything is America’s fault especially the constitutions fault. That war in Indonesia, hungry kids in Africa, endangered species of giraffe on mars, the stuff that makes no sense… all of it is our fault. Mostly this runs off #8 but there’s a twist. Blame the constitution on everything that happens in other countries. Tell people the president is supposed to fix those other countries and set policies for that other country, meanwhile protest government involvement in some different country. This way you give other democrats a reason to hate America foreign policy by creating a cycle of hatred of america.
“India has a water shortage Americans need to help build water reserves there. But the US should have no involvement with going to war with ISIS.” 2 months later
“We can’t get involved with India, they have their own sustainable water reserves. ISIS is a real threat that must be stoped. The president is responsible they got big and are bombing small towns in Syria.” 2 months later repeat from beginning

11. Political fads. Democrats are like children they have a new political fad as often as kids get new video games. Always stick to one issue at a time making that one small thing the most important thing in the world for a few months. Suddenly drop all discussion on it and move on to something else.

12. Make facts up when someone disagrees with you and uses facts. No you don’t have to have a history degree or much science background. Just say what ever sounds smart at the spur of the moment, end it by saying “case closed”. If this doesn’t work don’t say anything, just sit there and let them finish while you walk away saying “I believe in love and we should all love one another”. It doesn’t have to fit into the conversation, it just has to be a self righteous defeat.

13. If you are a Christian democrat hate the bible even more then anyone else so other democrats think you are progressive. Talk about universalism/new age a lot. Try to be as Luke warm as possible, and make Luke warm sound like a good thing. Remember if anyone judges you for it tell them “judge not least the be judged”- this should really be the only bible verse you need to know.

14. Find something to complain about. Democrats enjoy conversation that involves not only liberal guilt but also complaints. After all your too superior to be in the situation your in. Too hot too cold, chair made out of wood,  your food has to much basil in it… just complain about it and make other people feel sorry for you.

Now that your training is complete put it into practice. There’s places we can find democrats to help us with our vocabulary. They are listed below.

1.pottery shops studios

3.Coffee shops like Starbucks (not good coffee shops, they like the worst tasting coffee and paying 4x as much for it. Don’t buy coffee either, get tea).

4. Community gardens

5. Organic grocery stores (not the organic section of large grocery store. They like small grocery stores that charge alot)

6. Over priced junk shop (if there’s junk there and it’s overpriced they are crawling to it in droves. they don’t like thrift stores or yardsales).

7.  The loan section of the bank.

8. Community theater. Particularly if it’s the worst play ever. They will be there.


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