For me it was first trying to forget everything I learned in paganism. Well I wanted to at first. Things like Hermetic Law, Kabbalah, and so on really built a frame work in my understanding of the universe and world around me.If I were to walk with christ I was given the impression they were either, A Lies to begin with, or B they were not even useful. Until one day I was watching something that mentioned Ephesians 6, knowing your enemy, Yup i should have that down. The hard question is though how do I use my knowledge to spread the word of god and fight the forces of evil? HASH TAGS!! Some of you might notice WAY bellow the tag list, what you sometimes dont know is, i use tags to get some new age person on google attention to come into the blog. I like to think its a good Idea but it’s too passive. I talk to people about god on the bus on my way to school, pretend to listen as they ‘Educate’ me on on Universal Love for awhile, and tell them what True Universal love actually is. I tell my friends and family what Moses said why he said it, relate it to problems they tell me. Yeah angel fish gets the word out where he can. I know everything and then some of what any New Age person can tell me, I also know where gods word cuts like a sword in their ideas. Honestly why forget it when I can use it? The difference now is I’ve learned detachment from it, It doesn’t guide my world view so much anymore.
Never in my life have I been entirely sold on the big bang theory. I studied alot of science enough to comfortably say it’s easy to get caught in Secular Ideas with New Age Ideas. When I knew Kabbalah and The Zohar talk a good deal about what scientist are trying to say, I said to myself either this is coincidence, or scientist are getting their ideas from the same source. When I looked into it, It seemed to me when you want to discredit God theres only certain inevitable things you have to come up with. Dimensions, Paralel Dimensions, Life on other planets, Atoms evolved into life, etc… For awhile yeah I celebrated creation, in love with the idea the universe is so interconnected. Looking deeper into science there were some obvious holes. Looking at scientist talk about these holes, they only wanted a theory that didnt include God. Which made me look into more… Well I remember a friend from facebook told me to watch ‘Ken Ham vs. Bill Nye Debate‘, shortly after my conversion. Praise be to God for that debate, I see it really did wake alot of people up, myself included. These creationist claiming the earth is only 6,000 years old from a litteral biblical perspective actually have an intelligent thing to say about it. I’ve been following Answers in Genesis ever since for my world view of the universe.
Then lets talk about my Business. I love Madam C.J. Walker “I got my start by giving myself a start.” She was a slave picking cotton in the south, when she was set free she had nothing. Like most slaves she also didnt have alot of we call today ‘Job Credentials’ – getting a decent job was rough. After getting fired from a cook job at a restaurant she Made a hair gel, put it in a bottle and started selling door to door. Next thing you know shes the first Black Woman Millionare!! That is a good summary of my own experience for those who read My Road to Christ. The devil took everything from me, I started with nothing and now I feel like Jenny from the block!! “Dont be fooled by the rocks that I got, Im still, Im still angelfish from the block. First I had a little now I have Alot, no matter where I go I know where I came from. Im down to Earth like this, Rockin this business, I’ve grown up so Much, Im in control and loving it. Rumors got me laughing Kid”. All in all though I feel pretty good driving in my BMW on my way to buy smoked salmon for sushi. I’m not a millionaire yet, but what I have I built on my own. It truly wouldn’t have been possible if Jesus didn’t work on me. It is because of that I owe and dedicate all I have to him.
Theres other things though, a personal struggle that is abstaining from sin. I was re reading ‘My road to Christ‘ a bit ago and realized I left A lot out. One thing I did put in made me realize, I killed 19 people using witchcraft because of my selfishness of being too hot. How pompously arrogant I really was, and yet I’d be lying to if I said I felt too guilty. I’ve committed just about every sin there is, including murder. So Lets do Angelfish’s 7 deadly sin list what’s been done about it.
Lust– There is somethings I believe is strictly a man issue, I really had to learn to be able to fall asleap without… well call it releasing myself. (Really ladies I do not know if you know this, but some of us cant sleep at all with out it). Lust is pretty hard to curb, I found the trick is change the thought topic. When ever the pressure is too much I absolutely cant help it, I think about my wife to take care of it- or better yet just grab my wife 🙂 . Now and then I see something suggestive or even read something suggestive, and get that feeling down there. I just try to ignore it and it goes away. Yeah im married but i’m not blind, at the same time I’m very loyal to my wife to actually act on it. Jesus says thats not good enough, just looking at another woman in lust is Adultery. I can honestly attest it gets a little bit easier day after day the effort is just changing your thoughts. The urge can be too much at times, but learning control over hormones comes with time.
Lying- While this isn’t one of the actual 7 deadly sins, its a sin im guilty of none the less. An aspect of lying is having a double tongue, as a pagan I learned how to do that well- As a christian I learned to think before I talk and try to be as straightforward as I can. The saying “Watch what you say and how you say it” became for me “Watch what you say and WHY you say it”, I ask myself whats my intention behind it, Am I saying one thing but mean another. is it from love/truth or is it manipulative- Is it because this girl yelled at me that im angrily throwing bible verses at her to shut her up, or am I pointing out something, or is it better I keep my mouth shut- or is keeping my mouth shut manipulative in itself (it sounds like circular reasoning but really i just pick off that list). So stapling my heathen fork tongue together, so at least most of what I say doesn’t have a double meaning or trick statement.
Wrath– Yes Angelfish has said it many times, If they have a license plate from New Jersey, Don’t Trust Them!!” I grew up In Maryland off 95 to DC, I speak from road experience when I say for some reason New Jersey license plates will always Speed WAY WAY up. You the gullible car behind will go along with it, SUDDENLY they will slam on their brakes going from 70 to 45 on the highway, then they’ll slowly speed back up to repeat it. WTF is your problem NEW JERSEY!!! No im not generalizing off just 1 or 2, I’ve seen this from way to many New Jersyians to know that whole state has this driving style. I even witnessed for myself while driving through New Jersey once to NYC, they all do the same thing- I wonder why insurance doesnt make that state pay more then they do. Angel fish knows road rage, Angel fish is not shy to yell out the window either (Angel Fish has spent enough time in times square in NYC). After all My favorite saying used to be “Jesus didn’t have no car”!! (Well it’s true). But Jesus did have righteous anger, he wasn’t shy to chase people with a whip and flip tables. So Wrath, picking my battles carefully- Avoid driving behind New Jersey plates so I wont even get angry with them. (clearly still a work in progress I cant even write about it without getting angry.) Sometimes I see some asinine comment online somewhere I just say to myself “Dont get angry, just let it go or give and indifferent statement”. People come to me and tell me things i’m Like ‘WHAT!?!? again just listening and pretend to care, even though I have an idea of what they’re gonna say before they say it. I’m formulating in my mind carefully what to say next.
Greed– No private investor likes to SAY their greedy, after all we all have to make a living right? Angel fish use to be very materialistic, I’ve always had good taste, I love alot of expensive things and trips. My favorite gem stone is Emeralds, why? Because Diamonds are boring, there’s no color no personality. Why does every woman want diamonds on their wedding band, when flawless Emeralds are 10x as expensive AND they stand out more, and there just prettier? (Yeah my wife made me return the Emerald wedding ring for a Diamond, I stand my ground though). Angel fish is a picky shopper with high standards. as an investor I also find myself looking at resale value on even the dumbest things I buy (Like shirts and bedroom furniture). What I can say is this, I’ve learned to not get carried away. I used to be a scrooge in saying “Isn’t their work camps and prisons the poor can go to” Or “Poor people are poor because their lazy and uneducated, It’s not my fault what do I owe them”. It wasnt until I was christian I started donating to charity, I started looking for homeless people to give out sandwiches. I’ve learned that could easily be me. At the same time, I am always looking at what the bible says on how to make contracts with people, how to treat my employees, what to do about people owing me money, how much I should do for myself and others. What I can say is while I still have an eye for style I dont really shop anywhere near as much as I use to, I also dont hoard as much as I use to either. I haven’t been told by anyone they can call me Greedy so I’ll take it as a good sign.
Sloth- Oh a big one, I have a tendency to be lazy, Which is probably part of the reason I started this blog to be honest. The fact is when you don’t really have anything to do, What do you do? Yeah its good to be the boss sometimes, It’s good to have a smooth running business that I can sit here for 4 hours to write things on my blog while listening to online talk radio. Every now in then I check my stocks, look at the weather, take a coffee break. I’m old leave me alone!! (30 might not be very old to people, but what ever) I can honestly say though when it’s time to move I get moving, I try to keep myself busy so atleast I’m always doing something. I bought a home gym a year ago saying, Im gonna work out, Now I cant even sell the thing for $100 in brand new condition .I have my garden I have my DIY projects around the house, or in the house im renovating. Perhaps its just easier now to feel guilty about having nothing to do then in the bronze age of the bible. Yeah when you look at it, They never had 2 seconds to sit down- it was ALWAYS work.
Gluttony- I dont really think this has ever been a problem for me. I’ve always been the type thats happy with just eating a good hearty dinner, breakfast and lunch I dont even bother. Yeah I love wine and beer, but honestly it comes in moods for me. There’s periods for weeks all I want to drink at night is Wine. I guess we’ll call it a binge. But then after a couple weeks Im set for the next 2 years. When I think about it, the same goes for cravings like Vanilla. Not sure if that qualifies for this sin though.
Pride- Angel fish was a prideful sinner. I was proud and arrogantly praising my sins and everyone else s. I was proud to give lectures on how to sin even more, and gave useful tips on how to be a creative sinner. Public Speaking is my forete’ I certainly made use of it. Pride in my self righteousness is something as a chrstian I struggle with. It’s easy to fall away from gods word, and its easier to become a pharisee. When Jesus said ‘walk the narrow road’, in the back of my mind I think he was referring to this. That very narrow middle ground between the laws of Moses and unrighteousness. He tells us love others and do for others more then yourself .I’m left with the impression, he means to say the laws of Moses should come naturally with a godly love. Which is tough to do. Pride in my business, Of course I am proud of it, with my own 2 hands I am building my Empire!! There is days I feel like Julies Ceaser I can concur the whole world, and why not its my DESTINY! usually on those days, one of my employees comes to me bright eyed and excited, about how he fixed the toilet. Knowing it was tough for him I feel like a daddy that’s so proud of his son for getting it. He had to fix that toilet by trial and error, he knew vaguely what to do, but it needed a creative touch. When I built my business I had the same learn as you go philosophy. I think every small business owner knows that philosophy. As I went I took from the bible how to go, I trusted god would help, I signed a contract with Jesus saying he has my business at any point he wants it he can take it- my whole show runs completely on a loan with Christ with the debt of my sins that can never be repaid. I remind myself I am not the boss, I am the foreman. I say to myself at times “I need to be strong and tough to keep my boys employed”. If I fail they will fail, I can not bare the thought of doing that to people who have given their loyalty to me. I look at them sometimes and think to myself ‘If I fired you now there’s no way you’ll get a job again, and I truely dont want that even though your a moron.’ I really have looked a good deal into servant leadership and a lot kinda fell on me naturally, and things tend to go smooth. So there is a balance with this I see, a good pride is being proud for others- a bad pride is being proud of yourself.
Envy- Alot like Gluttony I can honestly say I never particularly fall to this. As I understand it, its a sin that kinda falls between Greed and Lust, of which I’m very guilty. But Looking at things other people have and desiring it for myself, I’m not very big on it. Maybe there is times I noticed Susie has better flowers across the street then me, So I go out and get the same flower (maybe a different color)- perhaps that’s enough. Somehow I think God was talking more about lust and greed with this. Perhaps thats really all I can say for this sin.
What all this should tell you is after you come to Christ your not magically going to transform. But in yourself and your heart your going to work on it. Somethings might take YEARS, others not so much. Yes Angel Fish is not perfect, thats why angelfish went to Jesus. I hope see in myself further improvement, Jesus has me here so far.